


Defying Divination

by hpwlwbb, nosignofwings, Owlpostart (Owlpostings), shaggydogstail, WhyTFNot



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexuality, But with a happy ending, Divination, F/F, Lily Evans Potter Lives, No Horcruxes, Some angst, Tarot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-12 22:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19238242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpwlwbb/pseuds/hpwlwbb, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosignofwings/pseuds/nosignofwings, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owlpostings/pseuds/Owlpostart, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaggydogstail/pseuds/shaggydogstail, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyTFNot/pseuds/WhyTFNot
Summary: Lily believed in making her own path, and had no time for destiny or foretelling the future.Which made the influence of Divination in her life particularly annoying.





	1. The Fool

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my wonderful artists and the very patient mods.
> 
> Special thank you to nachodiablo for beta-reading and hand-holding. You rock. <3
> 
>  **Artists' Mediums/Notes:**  
> [ WhyTFnot ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyTFNot/pseuds/WhyTFNot/) (AO3) |[tonftyhw](https://tonftyhw.tumblr.com/) (tumblr) medium: digital medium  
> [nosignofwings](https://nosignofwings.tumblr.com/) (tumblr): digital art  
> [Owlpostart](https://owlpostart.tumblr.com/) (tumblr): watercolour on paper

**The Fool**

_The Fool represents new beginnings, having faith in the future, being inexperienced, not knowing what to expect, having beginner's luck, improvisation and believing in the universe_

The barrier didn’t look magical, or even out of place. It just looked like another part of an ordinary train station. A flicker of fear crossed Lily’s mind, that maybe Tuney was right, maybe Severus really had made it all up to make her look silly. She dismissed the thought at once; the owls, and her letter, and all the things she’d seen on Diagon Alley were real. Her magic was real. All the same, the barrier didn’t look any less solid. She was starting to feel self-conscious, aware that there were people behind her, waiting, though she didn’t turn to look.

‘I can go first,’ said Severus. ‘If you’re nervous.’

That settled it. ‘Don’t be silly.’ Lily grinned at him, and gripped the trolley. She moved forward, quick like Mrs Snape had told her, and in a moment she was on another platform, with Severus hot on her heels.

‘Wow.’ Lily scarcely knew where to look next. The huge scarlet steam train, the trollies piled high with trunks and loose cauldrons and owls in cages, the swirling mass of people. Witches and wizards, people like _her_. She was looking everywhere, enthralled, and probably Severus was doing the same. Perhaps if they’d focused on looking where they were going instead of trying to see everything at once they might not have collided with a group of older students, sending someone’s cat screeching across the platform, and Sev’s gobstones scattering in all directions.

‘Watch out!’ yelped Severus, arms flapping as he tried and failed to catch the escaping gobstones.

Most of the other students laughed and walked away but one, a girl who looked about thirteen or fourteen stopped to help.

‘First time?’ she asked Lily with a smile. ‘You’ll get used to it. First day of term is always chaos. My name’s Alice, by the way.’

‘Lily. And this is my friend Severus.’ Lily held out her hand, always mindful of her manners. Alice laughed, and put a sweet in Lily’s hand. 

‘Look lively, Fortescue,’ said a voice behind Lily. ‘Is that your owl making off with a stolen pipe?’

‘What?’ Alice glanced around distractedly. ‘Oh no, Gianduja!’ she cried, turning around and racing towards a fluffy brown owl, which seemed to be trying to fly onto the train, still-smoking pipe wedged firmly in its talons.

Lily turned back to see a tall, dark haired young woman strolling towards them. She wore a long cloak of green brocade, with a badge reading “Head Girl” glinting on the collar. Everything about her was elegant and poised, making her the most glamorous person Lily had ever seen.

‘Hurry up, you pair, or you’ll never get decent seats,’ said the woman, gathering up the spilt gobstones and returning them to their box with a flick of her wand. Another flick and the loose rope tied around Severus’ trunk was neatly tied, and both his and Lily’s trunks were sitting upright again.

‘I – what’s the best place to sit?’ asked Lily. Clearly they’d found someone who knew exactly what she was doing and she was Head Girl. Who better to ask for advice?

‘Follow me.’

Lily tugged at Sev’s sleeve, grinning with excitement as they followed their rescuer, levitating trunks and all, along the platform. The carriages were quickly filling up with students, but they eventually found one with only two students – both boys, about Lily’s age. 

‘Budge up, squirt, I found another couple of firsties to share with you. Try to play nicely and not set anyone on fire.’

One of the boys made a vague effort to pull himself out of the two seats he was lounging across and into an upright position. ‘Hey Andromeda,’ he said. ‘You been looking for more people to boss around?’

‘Cheek of you,’ said Andromeda, but she didn’t seem angry. ‘And brave, considering how many embarrassing stories I could tell your new friends.’

Andromeda swiftly got Lily and Severus settled, and made sure proper introductions were made all around. The two boys were Sirius Black and James Potter, who was apparently the son of someone very famous and important to do with potions. Severus seemed very impressed by him. Sirius was Andromeda’s cousin, and he looked a lot like her, only not quite so cool. To be fair, though, there probably wasn’t anybody as cool as Andromeda.

‘You’re in Slytherin, right?’ Severus asked Andromeda. He’d been going on about them both getting into Slytherin for months. Lily hadn’t the heart to tell him she’d rather live in a tower than underground.

‘That’s right,’ said Andromeda. ‘Family tradition.’

Severus looked pleased, but James let out a dramatic huff of disapproval. ‘Ugh, am I surrounded by snakes?’

‘None of us have been sorted yet,’ pointed out Lily. She didn’t see why it had to be such a big deal which house everyone was in – they were all going to the same school, after all. To learn _magic_. Wasn’t that more important?

‘That’s right,’ agreed Sirius. ‘Maybe we’ll all be Hufflepuffs.’

Lily was pleased that there was someone sensible enough to agree with her, until she saw James roaring with laughter.

‘You should all be so lucky,’ said Andromeda. She leant over, and whispered into Lily’s ear. ‘Hufflepuffs are the best kissers.’

Then she winked and turned away, heading through the carriage into the main corridor. The boys all watched her go, then turned back to Lily with curious expressions.

‘What was that all about?’ demanded Severus.

Her cheeks felt warm, and Lily was fairly sure they were as red as her hair, but she did her best to shrug and act nonchalant, like she thought Andromeda might. ‘Oh, nothing any of you would understand,’ she said loftily. ‘Girl talk.’


	2. Six of Cups

**Six of Cups**

_Revisiting the past, childhood memories, innocence, joy_.

 

Hogwarts was a strange, eerie place at night, and Lily was glad of Marlene’s company as she crept down the corridor to the Hospital Wing. True, they were much more likely to be caught together – Marlene wasn’t exactly light on her feet, and she rarely stopped talking for more than thirty seconds – but she also had a steady stream of jokes about the snoring portraits and was quick to assure Lily that every strange creak and bump was just Peeves causing trouble or a couple of ghosts snogging somewhere.

The Hospital Wing should be almost empty, though Lily soon realised that a number of beds had their curtains drawn, with the low stream of chatter belying the fact that Mary wasn’t the only patient getting a midnight visit. It made her feel a little better – both that those students unlucky enough to be sick at Christmas wouldn’t be lonely, and also that no-one was likely to tattle on them if they have visitors of their own.

Mary was lying flat on her back, pinned down by the magically weighted blanket. Her face lit up when she saw her friends approaching – she must’ve been bored silly on her own all evening.

‘How are you feeling?’ asked Lily.

‘Oh, you know.’ Mary smiled. ‘Floating on air.’

It wasn’t really funny, but Marlene let out a snort of laughter anyway. ‘Now perhaps you’ll both believe me that Quidditch is the only sport worth bothering with.’

‘Never!’ said Lily. ‘Gymnastics is ace, and combining it with magic will make it even better.’

‘Sure, as long as neither of you float right off out of the castle before you manage it,’ said Marlene.

‘At least we’d get a good view,’ said Mary. ‘Better than sitting in the stands for hours, hoping for someone to fall off their broom to create a little excitement. Anyway, we’re making good progress, I’m sure we’ll crack the spell soon.’

Lily nodded fervently; she was good at Charms and Potions, and she’d been working on the spells to help someone float as easily as a feather for weeks. Severus had found out what she’d been doing, and now they were competing to see who could master human levitation first. Lily had every respect for her friend’s magic, but she had no intention of letting him beat her to it. At the end of their first year he’d beaten Lily to win Professor Slughorn’s prize for the best brewed Forgetfulness Potion, and had bragged so much Lily had threatened to slip some in his pumpkin juice so that he’d stop going on about it.

‘I think it’s going to have to be a Charm,’ she said. ‘The Lighten-Up Lotion worked a bit _too_ well. We need something that’s a bit easier to control. I am sorry you ended up stuck in here though.’

Poor Mary was tethered to the bed, weighed down by a heavy blanket to stop her floating right up to the ceiling. She was being a good sport about the whole thing, but Lily still felt a bit guilty, since she’d been the the one to brew the potion, which very definitely was not on the curriculum for second years.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ said Mary. ‘I got out of History of Magic at least. And Dumbledore’s going to arrange a Portkey for me to got home for the holidays, since I’ll miss the train. Mum’ll be pleased, because she always says it makes no sense for her to have to go all the way to London to take me all the way back to Dundee.’

‘We’ll miss you on the train though,’ said Marlene. ‘But look, we brought you presents.’

Marlene emptied the pillowcase they’d filled with gifts onto the bed, scattering badly-wrapped presents, tinsel, and sweets across the sheets. Mary didn’t mind, though, happily tearing off the giftwrap and cooing excitedly at the collection of sweets and the _Wondrous Witches_ annual they’d clubbed together to buy for her.

‘I got something for you too,’ said Mary. ‘Underneath my mattress, if Marlene hasn’t already sneaked in and taken them.’

‘How dare you!’ exclaimed Marlene. ‘I only sneaked in to have a look. I haven’t taken anything.’

Mary just shook her head and chuckled, before opening up bumper pack of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans and passing them around. Lily got buttered toast, but from the look on her face Marlene hadn’t been so lucky. ‘What are you both doing for Christmas?’

‘Visiting my grandmother,’ said Marlene. ‘She’s got a big house in Gloucestershire. It’s fancy and a bit boring, but the food is amazing, even better than Hogwarts. And on Boxing Day we get to watch the Harpies crush Portree, so that’ll be good.’

‘Sounds fun,’ said Lily. ‘We’ll probably just have a quiet Christmas. My parents are having a party for New Years though, and I’m allowed to ask Severus. Mum says we can stay up for the New Year if we’re good.’

It was exciting for Lily, her first chance at a proper, grown up party, not just a jelly and ice-cream, pin the tail on the donkey style party for kids. Petunia had even said Lily could have a squirt of her perfume, and Dad would probably let her have some wine and lemonade. She didn’t miss the look that passed between her friends though, the silent “will you tell her or shall I?” that went on whenever Severus was mentioned.

‘Gonna kiss him at midnight are you?’ asked Marlene.

Lily swung the empty pillow case at her. ‘Don’t be daft,’ she said. ‘Sev is my friend. Just because he’s in Slytherin – ’

‘ – it’s not just because he’s in Slytherin,’ said Marlene, although she didn’t deny that might be part of the reason. ‘It’s also because he’s weird.’

‘And mean,’ added Mary.

‘He’s not mean to me,’ said Lily defensively. She hadn’t forgotten the friendship Severus had offered her when there was no-one else in the world she could talk to about magic. She _owed_ Severus.

‘Yeah, well he likes you,’ said Marlene. ‘But he hardly likes anyone who isn’t some Dark Arts freak. Only you and James Potter. I think he’d quite happily set the rest of us on fire.’

‘You’d set the school on fire,’ countered Lily. ‘I haven’t forgotten about that time you overfed the Snorting Snapdragons and nearly burnt the greenhouses down.’

Marlene beamed at the memory, sighing happily. ‘That was a brilliant afternoon.’

#

It was even darker by the time Lily and Marlene crept back to Gryffindor Tower, giggly and full of sugar. Somehow the journey back wasn’t so worrying.

‘Look out!’ said Lily, as Marlene nearly walked straight into a suit of armour. Honestly, it was a mystery that Marlene thought she’d ever be a famous Quidditch player. She never seemed to look were she was going.

Marlene still wasn’t looking at what was in front of her, even as Lily grabbed hold of her dressing gown and yanked her back. Instead she was staring up at the ceiling.

‘Look.’ Marlene’s voice was a low, conspiratorial whisper as she pointed upwards. A garland of mistletoe hung above their heads, the white berries seeming to glow in the dim candlelight.

‘Mistletoe,’ said Lily. She glanced downwards, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. ‘Did you know that Muggles used to use it to keep witches away?’

Marlene laugh. ‘I didn’t know that,’ she said. ‘Obviously it doesn’t work. They don’t still try it, do they?’

‘No,’ said Lily. ‘Mostly they just use it for decoration. And, you know…’

‘Kissing?’

‘Yeah.’ Lily could feel her cheeks warming. Marlene was always good at embarrassing her; she wasn’t mean, really, but she did like to tease.

Just this once, though, Marlene didn’t seem to be joking. She looked like she was considering something carefully. ‘We should try it,’ she announced at last, apparently having made up her mind. ‘Kissing.’

Lily blinked. Surely Marlene didn’t want to kiss her? Oh, but of course she did. There was no-one else about, it was either Lily or the suit of armour, and the suit of armour was old and rusty. 

Still, it didn’t seem like a horrible idea.

‘I’ve never…’ Lily confessed.

‘Me neither.’ Marlene shrugged. ‘All the more reason to get some practice in, right? And it’ll probably be easier, with a friend.’

That was a good point. Lily hadn’t given a great deal of thought to kissing, but she had sort of assumed that her first kiss would be with a boy. There weren’t any boys she was particularly keen to kiss, though, and she wasn’t sure how she’d go about it even if she did. At least she knew Marlene wouldn’t say horrible things about her to her friends afterwards, like she knew some boys did, and that she brushed her teeth regularly.

‘Yeah,’ said Lily with a confidence she didn’t entirely feel. ‘Why not?’

She and Marlene both leant towards each other, heads ducking side to side until they managed a first awkward press of lips. It felt strange, more like they were just putting their mouths next to each other than really kissing, and Lily had a horrible urge to burst out laughing. Marlene pulled back, just the slightest amount, then pressed in again, moving her lips this time in a brief peck. Lily kissed back without thinking, and that was much nicer. Marlene’s lips were soft, and they tasted like the cherry pops and sherbet she’d eaten earlier that evening.

Kissing Marlene felt sweet and natural, as easy as casual hugs or armwrestling in the common room.

‘So,’ asked Marlene after several slow, gentle kisses. ‘What do you reckon?’

‘It was nice,’ said Lily. She felt giddy and excited all of a sudden, and she couldn’t stop smiling. ‘Good idea.’

Marlene smiled back, and for once she seemed almost shy. ‘I’m glad it was you.’

She took Lily’s hand in her own, and together they carried on back towards Gryffindor tower. Lily let her head rest on Marlene’s shoulder and let out a happy sigh. ‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Me too.’

 

 


	3. Nine of Swords

**Nine of Swords**

_Anxiety, worry, fear, depression, nightmares_

> Image Description: A drawing of a Tarot card. Lily seems to float against a purple background. She has her hands on her head and wears a frustrated expression. Eight swords stick out of her body, with a ninth sword represented on her shirt. Art by [ WhyTFnot ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyTFNot/pseuds/WhyTFNot/) | [tonftyhw](https://tonftyhw.tumblr.com/).

It was good to get back to school. Lily was having a grand time at the new term feast, putting away a ridiculous number of roast potatoes as she chatted to Mary and Marlene about their summer break and plans for the year to come. Marlene wanted to know every detail about Lily’s week at the seaside with her family – Lily could add rollercoasters and donkey rides to the list of things pure-bloods were weirdly unfamiliar with, while Mary worried that neither of her closest friends would be joining her in Care of Magical Creatures. Lily couldn’t see the point of it; animals were nice, of course, but no-one needed an O.W.L. in brushing unicorns, did they?

‘You’ll be sorry when my homework is just feeding some crups while you’re drowning under number charts,’ said Mary, who had been openly appalled by Lily’s choice to take Arithmancy. ‘Runes is bad enough, but doing magical maths _voluntarily_ is just weird.’

‘I like maths!’ said Lily. ‘Anyway, you might think it’s clever to take Muggle Studies for an easy ride, but don’t come crying to me when Marlene keeps you up late demanding to know what a carburettor is.’

‘I promise not to keep anyone up late with homework questions,’ said Marlene. ‘Shame we’re going to be in so many different classes, though.’

Lily offered Marlene a comforting smile. ‘We’ll have Divination together,’ she said. ‘Since I only agreed to do it because you two nagged me.’

Marlene pointed her spoon at Lily and gave her a very stern look. ‘You said yourself the Horoscopes and stuff you’ve seen probably isn’t real Divination,’ she said. ‘Divination is an ancient and complex branch of magic.’

‘I know, I know.’ Lily held up her hands. ‘And I will give it a go, honest.’

‘How else will you know when you’re going to meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger?’ Mary giggled. ‘But this is enough school talk! I want to hear more about everyone’s holidays.’

Marlene and Lily readily agreed, and soon Mary was chatting twenty-to-the-dozen about her trips to Kirkcaldy Ice Rink, and Marlene told them all about the Holyhead Harpies game she’d been to. All around them it was the same – pretty much everyone was having a good time catching up with old friends and checking out the new batch of ickle firsties (Lily wasn’t sorry not to be one of them anymore). The only glum face at the Gryffindor table belonged to Black, who’d been in a snit ever since the latest in his seemingly inexhaustible supply of relatives had been Sorted into Slytherin. Mary had asked three times for him to pass the custard before giving up and Levitating the jug over Pettigrew’s head. 

Lily wondered if it wasn’t for the best. Perhaps if more people had siblings in other houses there’d be less silly rivalry between them – there was nothing wrong with a bit of friendly competition but Potter and Black weren’t the only ones who took it too far sometimes.

‘I don’t know why you’re sulking,’ she told him after she’d finished pudding. Black was staring at a bowl of trifle like it had personally offended him. ‘We are allowed to be friends with Slytherins, you know.’

Black looked up at her and scowled, and Potter muttered something that was probably another mean comment about Severus, but Lily ignored it.

‘You’ll still get to see him every day,’ Lily continued, undeterred. ‘My sister goes to a Muggle school, I won’t even speak to her again until Christmas.’

Lily’d barely been speaking to Tuney for the last week of Summer hols, but she wasn’t going to mention that. Didn’t feel much like thinking about it, either.

‘They have schools for Muggles?’ asked Black, surprised. Lily very nearly turned on her heel and walked away then, but he seemed to realise what he’d said pretty quickly, and continued, ‘I mean, what do they learn at Muggle school?’

‘Muggle stuff,’ said Lily vaguely. She wasn’t all that sure what Tuney’s lessons at Comp were like, truth be told. ‘Science and geography, that sort of thing. Maths. Anyway, that’s not the point. You should talk to your brother.’

Black pulled a face like she’d asked him to eat raw lemons, but Lupin nudged his elbow. ‘It might make you feel better.’

‘I’m going over give a book back to Severus anyway,’ said Lily. ‘I’ll walk with you if you need someone to protect you from the nasty snakes.’

Potter laughed openly, and Black put up his hands. ‘Fine, I’ll go.’

‘You’re bossy, you know,’ he told Lily as they circled the Ravenclaw table.

‘I do know,’ Lily replied with a grin. That was something she’d learnt from Tuney anyway.

Glancing along the Slytherin table, she saw that Severus was talking to Mulciber, and hung back. She knew that Sev was bound to want to chat with his own housemates, but there was something about Mulciber that gave her the creeps. It was probably a good idea for someone to keep an eye on Black anyway, just in case he started something.

Black’s brother – who was obviously also called Black, honestly this thing of calling half the school by their surnames was very confusing sometimes – was sitting with some other first years and one of the Slytherin prefects, a pale-faced boy called Lestrange.

‘Reg,’ said Black stiffly.

‘Sirius.’ The younger Black was smiling, looking relieved and Lily was starting to feel quite pleased that she’d done a good thing when Lestrange leant over and whispered something in his ear, pointing at Lily as he did so.

‘Regulus,’ said Black, and this time it sounded like a warning.

‘Is she really – ’

‘She’s my friend.’ That wasn’t really true – Lily didn’t usually have much to do with Black. Sev hated him, and not just because Potter was best friends with him, and Lily didn’t like how mean he could be sometimes. Still, it didn’t seem like a good time to mention it.

Regulus Black was still staring like he’d seen something unfathomable. ‘But is it true, is she a – ’

‘Don’t say that word.’ Black cut him off more forcefully, sneering as he leant forward. Lily was suddenly aware that several of the students sitting nearby were starting to stare. Narcissa Black, at the far end of the table, was looking at them with contempt.

‘You can’t tell me what to do.’

Glancing around, Lily saw that Severus had finished talking to Mulciber and was making his way towards her. 

Black shrugged, trying and failing to look unconcerned. ‘It makes you sound coarse.’

Lestrange was smirking nastily, and Lily started to wonder if she’d made a mistake. It looked like a fight was about to start, and just this once it wasn’t really Black’s fault. She grabbed his sleeve and tried to tug him away before someone got hexed, but Black didn’t budge. He was glaring at his brother, but it wasn’t him that Regulus Black was staring at. He was looking at Lily, an expression of absolute, horrified disgust on his face.

It wasn’t the first time Lily’d come face-to-face with the prejudice some wizards had about people like her; she knew exactly what word it was that Black had stopped his brother using, after all. Even so, there was something unsettling about being looked at like she was… like she was some sort of an animal.

Lily felt sick.

‘Hey, Lily.’ Severus had reached them at last, and Lily was so pleased to see him, especially as he managed to position himself between her and Regulus Black. Severus smiled warmly at Lily, but his expression turned sour as he glanced over at Black. ‘Are you lost?’

‘The only thing that’s lost round here is your shampoo, Snivellus.’ Black grinned but it wasn’t a happy expression. ‘Thanks for the advice, Evans, really top-notch.’

He stalked off, pausing only to whisper something – probably some sort of a threat – into his brother’s ear before he left. Lily turned back to Severus with an embarrassed half-smile.

‘Here, I forgot to give you this back on the train,’ she said, fishing the book of short stories she’d meant to return out of her robes. ‘I really enjoyed the one about the boy who hid spells inside of flowers. Do you think that’s something we could actually do?’

‘I’m not sure,’ admitted Severus. ‘Do you want to try it? We could start off by researching Herbology, see if there are any plants actually grown for it.’

‘Good idea,’ Lily agreed happily, feeling much more relaxed already. ‘Let’s go and see what we can find in the library first.’

It was late by the time she and Severus were done, and Lily had to run all the way back to Gryffindor tower – she didn’t want to lose points on her first night back, that would be really embarrassing. She was in such a hurry that she almost ran straight into Black, who was standing waiting for her behind the portrait hole.

‘I’m sorry my brother was rude to you,’ he said quickly.

Lily took a step back, surprised. ‘It’s not your fault.’

‘Yeah, well.’ Black glanced away, looking uncomfortable. ‘He’s an idiot.’

Lily was inclined to agree, but didn’t say so. It’s one thing to call your own sibling an idiot, doesn’t mean anyone else is allowed to. If someone called Petunia an idiot she’d hex their eyebrows off, and Petunia was as thick as two short planks.

‘I don’t really speak to my sister that much either,’ she admitted after a while. ‘We haven’t got much in common.’

‘No?’ Black looked curious. ‘Is that because she’s a Muggle?’

‘Nah.’ Lily shook her head. ‘It’s ‘cos she’s a cow.’

Black laughed and they both agreed that siblings were far more trouble than they were worth, although the mischievous glint in his eye told Lily that he didn’t really mean it either. All in all, Lily concluded as she made her way upstairs to join Marlene and Mary in their dorm, it had been an interesting start to the year.

+

The Divination classroom was high up in a tower, and an unholy mess of cushions, mismatched chairs, and rickety tables piled high with tea cups. Lily found it stifling, more so than usual in the middle of an unseasonably warm October, the defiant autumn sun blazing through the window. She and Mary were playing a half-hearted game of snap using tarot cards, with only Marlene paying much attention to the lesson.

Professor Dammerall was a nice enough man, made bearable by the fact that he didn’t seem to take his own lessons too seriously, but Lily still found it difficult to concentrate on the meanings of shapes in tea dregs or crystal balls. There seemed to be an extraordinary number of rules, all of them fuzzy and indefinite, and she never could quite absorb them all. Underneath it all, Lily resisted the idea of Divination, of a future mapped out and governed by the fates.

She never had much liked being told what to do.

‘Improvising with the cards, I see.’ Professor Dammerall’s voice pulled Lily out of her reverie, and she noticed too late that he had caught her and Mary playing card games instead of paying attention in class.

‘Sorry, professor,’ muttered Lily, subtly kicking Marlene under the table to stop her from giggling.

‘No matter, no matter,’ said Professor Dammerall kindly as he picked his way between the tables to stand by Lily. He was dressed like a fancier version of the magic turn at Butlins, in a long purple robe embroidered with astrological symbols, and glittering red bow tie around his plump neck. ‘Sometimes the signs come to us in the most surprising of places. Tell me, Miss Evans, do you feel any great significance in the card you hold?’

Lily looked down at the card she was holding. In truth, it felt significant only because she’d been discovered messing around. ‘I don’t know,’ she said truthfully. ‘I’ve no idea which card it is.’

‘Let’s take a peak.’

All of a sudden it felt like the hard was very important. Lily felt unaccountably nervous as she turned the card over. ‘The Nine of Swords,’ she said apologetically. She couldn’t remember what it meant.

‘That’s not a good card,’ said Marlene. ‘Is it, Professor?’

‘A card by itself shouldn’t be considered good or bad,’ said Professor Dammerall, and Lily got the distinct impression that he was trying to make her feel better. ‘I do hope, Miss Evans, that you’ve only been worried about getting your homework done on time and that you haven’t been troubled by nightmares.’

‘Only about what Professor McGonagall might say if I don’t do my Transfiguration homework,’ said Lily, forcing a smile.

Professor Dammerall chuckled and moved on, but Lily felt cold despite the warmth of the afternoon. She did have nightmares, sometimes, though she had no desire to delve any deeper into what they might mean.

#

It was only Lily’s second trip to Hogsmeade, and there were still so many things she wanted to see. She and Severus went halfsies on a silver cauldron, and bickered amiably about which potion they were going to try in it first while they shopped for ingredients and then picked up some blood lollipops from Honeydukes. The shop was completely packed, and Lily realised she had to be quick with her elbows to get to the till. There was a stand on the counter, displaying a new range of sweets, Butterscotch Flies, that flapped around the room before landing in your mouth. Several of the less friendly Slytherin boys – the ones Sev had been hanging out with a bit more than Lily liked – were hanging around it, pointing and jeering.

‘Pure magic?’ one of them sneered, reading the advertising line. ‘Pure bullshit, more like.’

‘Beats all the impure rubbish around here,’ said Mulciber, making a great show of holding his nose aloft. His friends all fell about laughing.

Lily pointedly looked away as she paid for her sweets and strode out of the shop.

‘What’s wrong?’ asked Sev as he hurried after her towards the Three Broomsticks. 

For a moment Lily hesitated, mindful of that fact that some of those boys in Honeydukes were his friends. But shouldn’t Sev know the kind of people he was hanging out with? So she told him, quickly and without embellishment, and it was only as she watched him afterwards that she realised she was testing his reaction.

‘They didn’t say anything to you, they didn’t hurt you, did they?’ asked Severus.

‘No.’ Lily shook her head. As if a bunch of idiots like that could do her any harm. ‘I just don’t think jokes like that are very funny.’

‘But they _were_ joking,’ said Severus. ‘You can’t ban people from making jokes just because you don’t like them.’

Lily stamped her foot in frustration. ‘I didn’t say anything about banning them, did I?’ she said. ‘I just don’t think decent people would say something like that in the first place.’

Severus looked torn, glancing towards the Honeydukes window and then back to Lily. ‘Forgot about them,’ he said. ‘Let’s go and get a Butterbeer.’

Lily nodded her agreement, and followed him towards the Three Broomsticks, telling herself that Severus wanted to change the subject to avoid upsetting her anymore, and not because the subject was uncomfortable for him.

#

The dreams came again that night. Nothing concrete, nothing Lily could put her finger on, just a creeping sense of dread that chased her from sleep and left her feeling hollowed-out and jittery. She considered, briefly, consulting her Divination texts or even going to Professor Dammerall after breakfast, but soon pushed that thought aside.

She was just overtired, Lily reminded herself sternly as she turned over in bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. Those boys in Hogsmeade had got to her, and there’d been another story about the Death Eaters in the Prophet earlier in the week.

_Fate_ was the least of her problems.

 


	4. Queen of Wands

**Queen of Wands**

**__** _Courage, confidence, independence, social butterfly, determination_

 

Lily arrived in Professor Slughorn’s office bright and early, so full of excitement she’d barely managed a bite of breakfast. Her companion for the day, Narcissa Black, strolled in with moments to spare, looking aloof and almost bored, as though day trips to magical publishing houses in Edinburgh were an everyday occurrence for her. Perhaps they were, but Lily wasn’t going to let that diminish her enthusiasm.

‘Now then, ladies, I hope you’re both looking forward to your trip.’ Professor Slughorn beamed at them, his chest all puffed up with pride. ‘Miss Adisa specifically asked for my help recruiting a couple of students with a particular gift for Charms, and I know you’ll fit the bill nicely.’

‘Of course,’ murmured Narcissa.

‘It’s such an exciting opportunity,’ said Lily. ‘Thank you for thinking of me.’

‘O-ho, no need to thank me,’ said Professor Slughorn. ‘Go, do well, be a credit to the Slug Club, both of you. That’s all the thanks I need.’

Professor Slughorn had arranged for Lily and Narcissa to visit the Villette Publishing House, a flourishing enterprise run by a former Slug Club member. He’d been hazy about the details of what they were going for, only that it involved Charm work and would be a wonderful experience. They would be travelling by Floo, something that caused Narcissa to wrinkle her nose in displeasure, although she apparently knew well enough to keep her thoughts to herself. Lily was only slightly nervous of Narcissa, her contact with the older girl being limited to Slug Club meetings. Narcissa seldom spoke much, preferring to survey her fellow students with cool detachment, a lofty superiority that implied she felt she knew something the rest of them didn’t.

Lily wondered sometimes what was really going on behind that icy exterior, whether she really was a vacuous mix of snobbery and self-obsession or if there was perhaps a bit more to her. Maybe this would be her chance to find out.

The offices of Villette were rather less grand than Lily had expected, with plain décor and Formica tables. Less formal, too, with the Director greeting them in person. Carmilla Adisa looked stunning: she wore beautiful, richly patterned robes in deep plum and her long braids were styled into an elegant bun. Her only jewellery was a pair of huge gold hoop earrings which caught the light every time she moved her head.

‘Narcissa, Lily, how lovely to meet you,’ she said, her smile broad and warm as she extended her hand. ‘Horace has told me great things about both of you.’

‘Good morning,’ said Narcissa. ‘It’s so kind of you to invite us, Miss Adisa.’

‘Oh, please, call me Carmilla. We don’t like to stand too much on ceremony here at Villette.’

Carmilla gave them a brief tour of the building, before leading them to a small office where Lily and Narcissa were to work. She explained that she was concerned that the Proofing Charms Villette had been using had weren’t functioning properly, and the head printer wanted a thorough review of the last couple of print runs. They didn’t have the staff to proof-read everything themselves, which was where Lily and Narcissa came in. They would read through several texts, making notes of any errors they found and looking for patterns, and then suggest patches to the Charm work.

It seemed like a lot of work, but it was exciting to be trusted with so much responsibility. Lily eagerly set to work, picking up the nearest book – a paperback entitled _The Countesses at the Cauldron Club_ – and started reading. She barely noticed that it took Narcissa somewhat longer to get going, or her sniff of disapproval at the cover art.

What Lily did notice – somewhere around 100 pages in – was that the book she'd picked up was a fairly raunchy read. There’d been similar texts passed around the dorm back at Hogwarts; bodice rippers, they called them, full of heaving bosoms and handsome rakes. Lily had flicked through a few, but found it hard to take them seriously. The writing tended to be lacklustre, and the characters unlikable.

 _The Countess at the Cauldron Club_ stood out for two reasons. Firstly, the quality of the writing was somewhat higher. The author was clearly no Charlotte Brontë, but the prose was lively and engaging. Secondly, there might be a couple of handsome rakes floating around, but none of them were likely to take centre stage: the main love story was between two noblewomen from rival duchies.

Lily had no idea books like this even existed, far less that there might be an entire publishing house devoted to them. She found herself inordinately pleased that they did.

‘I don’t suppose you had any idea that good old Professor Slughorn would put you up to anything so scandalous?’ asked Narcissa when they broke off for lunch. That superior look was on her face again, and there was something else too; a hint of a challenge. Lily couldn’t let that slide.

‘A little surprising, perhaps, but hardly scandalous,’ she replied, smiling pleasantly. ‘I’m really not that sheltered. Or that timid.’

‘Of course not. Quite the bold little thing, aren’t you?’ said Narcissa. ‘Next you’ll be suggesting we read them aloud at the next Slug Club meeting.’

‘Certainly not,’ said Lily. ‘I’m surprised you’d suggest it: trying to give your own head of house a heart attack like that.’

Narcissa laughed, the first time Lily had ever seen it. Her laughter was soft, like water splashing over pebbles, and some of her icy demeanour seemed to slip. It made her look much prettier.

She didn’t speak much to Lily after lunch, but she didn’t seem to radiate annoyance at quite the same rate, which Lily took as progress. When Carmilla came to say goodbye, Narcissa managed to look as though she’d genuinely enjoyed her day. Carmilla thanked them both, presenting them with a gift of Bonny Bouncing Barley Sugars, and told them to help themselves to any books they’d like to take back to school.

‘In fact, if Hogwarts can spare you, it would be great if you could come back next week?’ said Carmilla. ‘Perhaps even for a few weeks. I’m afraid we can’t afford to pay you a wage, but it’ll be good experience and I’d be happy to write you a reference when you do apply for work.’

Lily doubted Narcissa would have any trouble with finding work, if she ever bothered to look for a job, but she still accepted Carmilla’s offer every bit as eagerly as Lily did herself.

Perhaps there really _was_ a little more going on inside that immaculate blonde head after all.

#

With agreement from Professor Slughorn and Professor McGonagall, Lily and Narcissa were allowed to help out at Villette on a regular basis. They still didn’t get paid, but Carmilla provided them with lunch and allowed them to take whatever books they wanted back to Hogwarts.

Lily’s haul of free books provided a brief flurry of excitement amongst her dorm mates, which fell off as they in turn put them down because of embarrassment at the sex scenes, disappointment at the lack of handsome rakes, and the arrival of several back copies of Playwitch, courtesy of someone’s cousin in London.

The only person who took a sustained interest, besides Lily, was Marlene. She read everything Lily brought back, over and over; staring at each page like it might hold the answer to life’s secrets. In a way, it probably did.

It was late when Marlene found Lily alone in the Common Room. All the other Gryffindors had gone to bed – or at least back to their dorms – but Lily had been up late finishing an essay for Divination. It was due in the following day, and Lily was making slow progress. Her own fault for putting it off so long; she really didn’t like Divination. Despite her need to get on, she was glad of the distraction Marlene’s arrival offered.

‘You still reading those books?’ asked Lily, indicating the copy of _Her Sweet Sorceress_ in Marlene’s hand.

‘Yeah.’ Marlene sat down beside Lily. ‘I wanted to talk to you about them, actually.’

‘Oh, good.’ Lily was pleased. She and Marlene had spent plenty of evenings discussing their favourite storylines, authors, and characters in the Villette series. It was definitely more fun to think about than tasseomancy.

‘So all these stories, there’s a reason I kept on reading them when everyone else got bored,’ said Marlene. ‘Why they’re more interesting to me than Playwitch or any of that drivel.’

‘Go on.’ Lily reached out and placed her hand over Marlene’s, doing her best to look encouraging.

‘Because these girls, in these books… they’re like me.’ Marlene took a breath before turning to face Lily at last. ‘I’m a lesbian.’

It was such a small, and yet such a monumental thing all at once. Lily knew instinctively that Marlene being gay didn’t change how she felt about her friend at all, but the revelation still felt incredibly courageous. How like Marlene, to be so knowledgeable and bold about herself.

Lily leant forward and pulled Marlene into a hug. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered into Marlene’s hair. ‘For telling me.’

‘I was so nervous, it’s stupid,’ said Marlene, rubbing her eyes as she pulled back. ‘I knew you wouldn’t be awful about it or anything but… You’re the first person I’ve told, you know.’

‘I’m glad you did. You know you can tell me anything, Marls, we’ll always be friends,’ Lily assured her. ‘So, do you want to talk about it?’

‘I suppose it can’t hurt,’ said Marlene. She leant against Lily, her head resting on Lily’s shoulder. ‘I do feel better for telling you. It’s nice not to have to keep it to myself.’

The idea that Marlene might have felt she need to keep it secret troubled Lily. She didn’t like the idea of anyone having to hide who they really are.

‘How long have you known?’

‘Hard to say,’ Marlene told her. ‘I’ve just never fancied boys. At first it was just childish stuff, “boys are stinky and have fleas” and most of the other girls I knew felt the same so that was OK. But then the other girls started taking an interest in boys and I just couldn’t see the point. Why would anyone go all dewy-eyed over Tyrone Thunderknuckle when Ursula Jensen is obviously more exciting?’

‘As a player or to, you know, play with?’

Marlene laughed and aimed a playful slap at Lily’s knee. ‘Oh, you are hilarious. Count yourself lucky I’m in such a good mood with you. Those books you brought back with you helped a lot. I never felt anything when I read stories about girls going all ridiculous over some idiot boy, but these…’ Marlene tapped the cover of her paperback. ‘I felt like I had something in common with these women.’

‘That’s so cool,’ said Lily, pleased that she’d been able to help, however indirectly. She wondered if she should tell Carmilla, if maybe later she could ask Marlene if that was OK.

‘You liked them too,’ said Marlene quietly.

Lily opened her mouth to say they were just good books, but of course that wasn’t the point. She’d enjoyed the stories about women falling in love with other women, and enjoyed the flutter of excitement when the plucky governess kissed the Lord of the Manor’s ill-favoured sister or when the highwaywoman confessed her love for the lady innkeeper.

‘I fancy boys though,’ she said quickly, a little guiltily. It was true though.

‘Yeah, I wasn’t chatting you up, you bighead.’

‘Sure about that?’ asked Lily, teasing. ‘I reckon it was getting to snog me last Christmas that got you into girls in the first place.’

Marlene skipped answering in favour of swinging a nearby cushion at Lily’s head, and soon they were both laughing themselves silly with a messy play fight that only ended when Lily’s neglected Divination homework nearly went into the fire.

Lying in bed that night, Lily couldn’t stop thinking about what Marlene had said. She’d seemed so certain, so sure, that it was girls she liked. Lily didn’t have much romantic experience, but she’d fancied boys before, liked the idea of kissing them, being close to them. She sort of wondered if it might be nice with girls too. Perhaps that was just because girls were pretty and nice; it didn’t mean she was like Marlene.

Did it?

#

On their second visit to Villette, Narcissa managed to greet Lily with a “hello” like a normal person, and only sneered a little bit at the sandwiches Carmilla brought them.

On the third, she told Lily a funny story about a group of fifth-year Slytherins racing their owls, and laughed at the joke Lily told her about Professor Dumbledore’s beard.

On the fourth, Carmilla told them to take the afternoon off and explore Edinburgh. Narcissa surprised Lily by taking her for tea and exquisitely tiny cakes at a wizarding café with plush velvet chairs and leaf-thin china.

On the way home from their fourth trip, Narcissa surprised Lily even more by taking her by the hand, pulling Lily close, and kissing her.

It was different to kissing Marlene, more intense, but gentler than the time she’d kissed Vince Hastings in a flurry of post-Quidditch excitement. Narcissa’s hair was as soft as the morning mist, and she smelled like the first bloom of spring. Kissing Narcissa made Lily’s heart beat faster in her chest, and she all but danced her way back to her dorm that evening.

Trips to the tea shop became regular occurrences, and better yet the kisses did too. Narcissa would take Lily’s arm as they strolled down the street, and brought her tiny, lovely gifts of hair slides and sugared almonds. She slipped them into Lily’s pockets, wrapped in tissue paper with gift tags signed “Cissy xxx” that Lily kept hidden in the back of a book.

They never talked about what it was between them, the precious and tender thing which made Lily’s heart leap, and Narcissa deftly changed the subject when Lily tried to raise it. Narcissa never said it was a secret either, so when Mary and Marlene corned her and demanded to know if she was seeing someone, Lily blushed and said, ‘sort of’ and soon it all came tumbling out.

‘Still think you fancy boys?’ asked Marlene as they brushed their teeth before bed.

Lily shrugged, playing for time by giving her molars a good scrub. ‘Maybe?’ she said. ‘I don’t have much time to think about boys these days.’

‘I bet you don’t,’ said Marlene, winking at her broadly.

It was true, Lily reflected as she rinsed her toothbrush and washed her face. Nothing against boys, but her head was full of platinum blonde hair and steel blue eyes, and how many days it would be until she next had a chance to kiss Narcissa.

#

Despite how difficult it was becoming to concentrate on the work, Lily continued to make good progress with her work at Villette, and Narcissa had proven herself exceptionally gifted with charms as well. So well, in fact, that when their final day before the Easter holidays came around, Carmilla came into the office with gift baskets for both of them, as a thank you for a job well done.

‘I’m going to miss coming here,’ Lily told Narcissa as they packed up for the final time.

Narcissa smiled politely, and it seemed like that old mask of formality was slipping back into place. ‘It’s certainly been an interesting experience.’

 _I’ll miss you_ , Lily wanted to say, but it seemed a bit… needy. Instead she tried to keep it casual. ‘It’s a Hogsmeade weekend this week. Perhaps we could go together?’

It seemed to take an awfully long time for Narcissa to respond, and when she did she sounded almost sad. ‘That doesn’t sound very likely. I have my friends; you have yours.’

Oh. Lily might’ve been lacking in romantic experience but she knew when she was getting the brush off. Knew too, when they arrived back in Professor Slughorn’s office and Narcissa breezed out of the door without a backwards glance, just how little Narcissa really thought of her.

She felt foolish and angry. Of course the snooty little pure-blood princess wasn’t going to want to be seen in public, in front of her friends, with someone like Lily, was she? Lily might have been able to make Narcissa laugh, to kiss her breathless, but she was still working class, and Northern, and Muggle-born. Lily had forgotten, in between the presents and the handholding, what a stuck-up, snobby little bitch Narcissa really was.

No doubt Narcissa would be mortified if anyone ever found out what had gone on between them.

Lily was too embarrassed to broadcast it about the school herself, but when she saw Narcissa coming out of the Three Broomsticks that Saturday she plastered the broadest smile on her face and raised her arm in a cheery greeting as she called out, ‘Hey, Cissy!’

The brief flicker of mortification on Narcissa’ ice-sculpture features was some small comfort at least.

 


	5. The Hanged Man

**The Hanged Man**

**__** _Pause, surrender, letting go, new perspectives._

 

Fifth year was proving to be the busiest one yet. Lily was delighted to have been made a prefect – something even Tuney couldn’t sneer at or pretend not to understand – but the meetings and patrols took up a lot of her time. Alice Fortescue, one the seventh year girls, had recruited her onto the editorial team for a new Hogwarts magazine, and Professor Slughorn expressed great dismay if Lily missed a single Slug Club event.

Quite honestly Lily sometimes wondered how she was meant to get any work done on her O.W.L.s

‘I’m so sorry, I can only stay for half-an-hour; can we start now and finish off tomorrow?’ Lily asked Severus as she sat down opposite him at their usual table in the library. ‘I know I said I’d be free for Charms revision all evening, but I’ve been asked to do some extra prefect patrols.’

Severus’ expression soured; he was becoming increasingly difficult about Lily doing things with or for other people.

‘Perhaps if the rest of the Gryffindor prefects were fit for the task, you wouldn’t have to let down your oldest friends to cover for them,’ said Severus, with an unpleasant note of sarcasm. ‘Oh, my mistake, full moon was last week.’

Lily scowled, irritated by Sev’s petty griping about Lupin, which she’d heard more than enough of already. He had a point that Lupin wasn’t exactly a great prefect, but he seemed like a perfectly nice person and whatever… issues he might or might not have were no-one else’s business.

‘Perhaps I should be asking what _you_ were up to late at night last week,’ said Lily. ‘There have been all sorts of rumours flying about the castle.’

‘I thought you didn’t listen to gossip?’ said Severus, but he was almost smiling and Lily could see that he was dying to tell her everything.

‘Of course I don’t, that’s why I’m asking you,’ said Lily primly. ‘I’m sure whatever it was can’t possibly be as life and death dramatic as the stories Bertha Jorkins has been passing about.’

Severus leant across the table, a conspiratorial grin spreading across his face. His dark eyes were sparkling. ‘I’m not allowed to tell you all of it,’ he said in a stage whisper. ‘But he saved me. James Potter saved my life.’

‘You nearly died!’ Lily reached across the table to take Sev’s hand. True, they’d been growing apart recently, but what Sev had said earlier was true; he was her oldest friend. She hated to think of him being in such danger, and was hurt that he hadn’t spoken to her about it before. ‘What happened?’

‘Like I said, I’m not supposed to tell you all of it,’ said Severus. ‘But it’s no great surprise; Black and Lupin’s idea of a fantastic joke. They tried to kill me.’

Lily stared back at Severus in confusion. It was true that there was no love lost between her best friend and her housemates, and Black in particular could be cruel, but attempted murder was something else.

‘What, did they shove you in the lake or something?’ she asked.

Severus snatched his hand away. ‘Don’t be absurd,’ he said. ‘If you knew the whole story you’d see things very differently. That pair don’t deserve to be half so popular with you Gryffindors.’

There was no point at all in Lily pointing out that she was hardly bosom buddies with either Black or Lupin – the barb about “you Gryffindors” didn’t refer to her at all. It was their friendship with James Potter that made Severus sick with jealousy, something Lily struggled to understand. Potter gave no sign of any positive feelings towards Severus, and Severus himself rarely sounded as though he _liked_ Potter, for all he was practically obsessed with him.

‘Well, I’m glad you’re alright,’ said Lily, hoping to move the conversation onto a lighter note. ‘I suppose it’s a good job Potter was around.’

‘Yes, wasn’t it?’ said Severus, though he hardly seemed to be looking at Lily. There was a dreamy expression on his face that she’d never seen before. It was rather disconcerting. ‘So brave of him as well. He could’ve been killed himself, you know.’

‘Really?’

Severus nodded sagely. ‘Do you think… I think he might care for me after all, at least a little?’ he said. ‘Surely he must do; people don’t just take risks like that for no reason.’

He looked so earnest, so hopeful, that Lily hadn’t the heart to tell him that James Potter regularly risked his own life and safety for anything from winning a bet to just plain showing off. Besides, despite his less admirable qualities, Potter wasn’t a coward. Lily couldn’t accuse him of being the sort of person who’d stand idly by and do nothing when someone else was in danger, whether he liked them or not.

‘Well, whatever the reason, I’m very pleased that he did,’ she said brightly. ‘Now, since we’ve not got long, should we crack on with Colour Changing Charms?’

Mercifully, Severus allowed the change of subject and pulled out his textbook, though Lily couldn’t miss the uncharacteristic way he was humming beneath his breath. She suddenly felt achingly sorry for him, certain that whatever the precise nature of his feelings towards James Potter, they were unlikely to ever be returned.

#

‘Ta-da! We did it!’ Alice beamed as she held up a copy of the first edition of _Tickled Dragon_. ‘Thank you, thank you all so much.’

Lily and the rest of the _Tickled Dragon_ team clapped enthusiastically. It had been a lot of work, but the final result was well worth it; the first ever edition of Hogwarts’ brand new magazine was funny, smart, and lively. She was proud to have been part of making it happen and the process had been – a few vexed conversations and late nights notwithstanding – a lot of fun.

‘Enjoy a well-earnt break to recharge your creative juices,’ Alice continued. ‘We’ll meet up again to start planning the next edition a week on Tuesday.’

‘Couldn’t make it Thursday, could you, Alice?’ called a voice from the back of the room. Lily turned to see James Potter flashing what he no doubt imagined was a terribly charming grin. Much to Lily’s annoyance, it was sort of attractive. ‘Only m’colleague and I have a pressing prior engagement.’

Sirius Black who was, of course, sitting next to Potter nodded gravely. ‘Upmost importance, I’m sure you’ll understand,’ he said. ‘Only the most urgent matters could tear us away from the opportunity to observe your genius at work, Miss Fortescue.’

Alice huffed, but without any heat, and Lily rolled her eyes. ‘So which of you is washing his hair and which is helping him to rinse it?’ she asked. ‘Merlin forbid either of you be left to wrangle a bottle of conditioner unaided.’

‘That’s funny,’ said Potter. ‘You’re really funny.’

‘Uh, thanks,’ said Lily. She could feel her cheeks warming, though she wasn’t sure why. Potter was smiling at her still, but it wasn’t his usual grin, there was a warmth to it, a softness that she hadn’t know he was capable of. It was sort of… dopey, almost, and stayed plastered over Potter’s stupid face until Black whispered something into his ear. Whatever it was caused Potter to turn and shove him away.

It was strange; if Lily didn't know better, she’d have said Potter looked embarrassed, an emotion she’d hitherto imagined him incapable of.

‘You know what, Thursday’s fine,’ said Alice. ‘I’ll see you all at six. Try not to get detention any of you, right? And take a pile of _Tickled Dragons_ to pass around your friends on the way out!’

‘So, what do you reckon is up with Potter?’ asked Mary as they filed out of the borrowed classroom.

Lily shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I was actually a bit worried when him and Black signed up, because I thought they might cause trouble and submit nothing but dirty limericks about trolls, but they did alright, didn’t they? Those puzzles they made up were pretty clever.’

‘Yeah, they were cool, but I wasn’t thinking so much about his contributions to _Tickled Dragon_ ,’ said Mary. ‘More the doe-eyed looks he kept giving you all evening.’

‘What?’ Lily stopped short next to a statute of Elwyna the Extraordinary. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’

‘He fancies you,’ sing-songed Mary.

Lily realised it was high time they stopped dilly dallying in the corridor and got on with making their way back to Gryffindor tower.

‘Don’t be daft,’ she said briskly, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she went. 

‘I know what I saw.’

‘Ever since you started going out with that sweet little Hufflepuff of yours, you’ve been seeing romance everywhere,’ countered Lily.

‘That sweet little Hufflepuff has a name and it’s Hamish,’ said Mary. She seemed unable to stop herself from smiling when she mentioned her boyfriend’s name, something Lily found endlessly charming. They really were a very sweet couple. ‘But we’re not talking about my love life. We’re talking about yours.’

‘I don’t have time for a love life,’ said Lily absently. She’d allowed a couple of nice enough boys to buy her a Butterbeer on Hogsmeade weekends since her ill-fated dalliance with Narcissa, but none of them had really caught her attention.

‘That’s rubbish and you know it,’ said Mary. She always did see through Lily’s attempted deflections too easily. ‘But supposing you could find a window in your hectic schedule, do you reckon Potter might take your interest?’

Lily wrinkled her nose. Potter wasn’t repulsive by any means, but he was endlessly frustrating. Sometimes Lily felt like he had the makings of a decent bloke, but then he’d go and do something cruel or idiotic and remind her why they weren’t friends.

‘Please,’ she said as they paused behind a gaggle of second-years in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady. ‘We all know there’s only space for three loves in James Potter’s life; himself, his broom, and Sirius Black. Possibly in that order.’

#

‘Am I glad that’s over,’ said Marlene as they made their way out onto the lawn after the Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. ‘And it wasn’t all that hideous after all.’

‘Only Transfiguration and Divination left to go,’ said Mary. ‘The end is in sight.’

‘And really, Transfiguration is the only one we’ll need to study for,’ added Lily. ‘Since we can basically make up whatever rubbish we like for Divination, on account of all Professor Dammerall’s looking for is a good read.’

Marlene dropped her bag on the grass at their favourite spot near the lake before stretching widely, arms up towards the sky as her golden blonde hair shone in the summer sun. ‘Look on the bright side, Lils,’ she said. ‘A week from Tuesday and you’ll never have to think about your least favourite subject again.’

‘Thank Merlin,’ said Lily as she said down facing the lake. In the distance the squid raised one tentacle above the water and waved it lazily, before letting it splash down again. ‘If I never have to peer into another dirty tea cup again I can die a happy woman.’

It was so nice out by the lake that Marlene pulled off her socks and shoes to dangle her feet in the water. Soon several of the other girls who’d been in the exam wandered over to join them, and Lily enjoyed laughing and chatting with her friends, occasionally dodging Marlene’s attempts to spray her with lake water.

Her peace and enjoyment was soon interrupted by a commotion from behind him, near the old beech tree. Jumping to her feet Lily saw that Sev seemed to be in the middle of another run-in with James Potter and his pals. There was nothing Lily hated more than an unfair fight, and two on one was just playing dirty.

By the time she reached them, Lily was so furious she could barely think straight, but wasn’t about to let that stop her giving James Potter a piece of his mind. Ugh, and to think she’d been almost starting to kind of like him.

‘You think you’re funny,’ she said coldly. ‘But you’re just an arrogant, bullying toe rag, Potter. Leave him _alone_.’

‘I will if you go out with me, Evans,’ said James quickly. ‘Go on ... go out with me and I’ll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.’

Lily stared back at him, astonished. Potter’s ego was legendary, but surely even he couldn’t be arrogant enough to think bullying her friend was the way to win Lily’s affection.

‘I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,’ she said.

There was a sound of coughing and spluttering behind her, and Lily turned to see Severus staggering where he stood, still spitting out bubbles of soap. She tried to offer him a consoling smile, but Severus wasn’t looking at her. He was staring past her at Potter, his expression anguished.

‘Why?’ asked Severus plaintively. 

James shrugged, glancing around theatrically. ‘Why indeed? You’re just repulsive in so many different ways.’

By now a small crowd had gathered, and several of them tittered. James seemed to drink it up, and he threw another toothsome grin at Lily, who recoiled.

‘C’mon, Evans, stop worrying about the grease monster and let me take you to Hogsmeade.’

Lily was about to give him another dressing down when Severus all but wailed in frustration. ‘Why are you wasting your time with a filthy little Mudblood like her?’

There was a murmur of disapproval from several onlookers, and Potter raised his wand to hex Severus again. Lily sucked in a breath, and marched back to the castle without a word, Marlene and Mary following close behind her. From the noise of the crowd she could tell that Potter had started up again with Severus, but at that moment she wanted nothing to do with either of them.

#

Lily crawled back into the dormitory, exhausted, to find Marlene and Mary waiting for her on her bed, a generous pile of chocolate and a bottle of Butterbeer sitting ready. She smiled weakly in thanks, and took a sip of Butterbeer as she settled down between her friends.

‘How was it?’

‘Awful. Infuriating. Predictable.’ Lily sighed. ‘You were right. I should’ve cut him off years ago.’

Marlene hugged her, and pressed a kiss to Lily’s hair. ‘That would’ve been much better for you, yes,’ she said. ‘But you’re far too kind and far too loyal to drop someone unless you really have to, and we love you for that.’

Mary nodded her agreement. ‘You have absolutely nothing to blame yourself for, don’t you forget that,’ she said. ‘There’s no excuse for how Snape treated you.’

Lily nodded, wondering why she still felt so sad even though she knew it was true. ‘I know you’re both tired of me saying this, but he really wasn’t always like this. He was kind to me when we were children, and he said it didn’t matter that I’m Muggle-born.’

‘Right, but that’s before he fell in with a bunch of Death Eater wannabes,’ said Marlene. ‘Ugh, he is _such_ an idiot.’

‘The worst,’ said Mary. ‘He must be if he’d prefer to hang out with Mulciber and those creeps instead of our Lils.’

Lily squeezed her hand, remembering the horrible ordeal that evil git Mulciber had subjected her to.

‘Who knows how that idiot’s mind works,’ scoffed Marlene. ‘And what is _with_ him and Potter?’

‘Oh, that one’s easy,’ said Mary. ‘Snape fancies him.’

Despite her low mood, the suggestion still made Lily smile. ‘You think everyone is in love with someone.’

‘You know, it would explain a lot,’ said Marlene thoughtfully.

Lily picked up the nearest chocolate bar and set about unwrapping it. ‘Let’s not talk about it anymore,’ she said. ‘I’m sick of dealing with awful boys being impossible. Let’s concentrate on something nicer like, I don’t know, smallpox.’

‘Fine by me,’ said Mary, helping herself to a Chocolate Frog. ‘If anyone’s earnt the chance to eat their own weight in chocolate, it’s you.’

‘But we’re still going to help you anyway,’ said Marlene, helping herself to a chunk off Lily’s chocolate bar. ‘Out of friendship.’

Lily smiled at her friends with affection. ‘Lucky me.’

It was late by the time they’d finished talking and eating, and Lily really did feel a lot better. The sense of hurt and loss hadn’t quite left her though, and she had a feeling she’d be living with it a while yet. 

‘Nox,’ she whispered and she lay down in bed, sending the room into blackness. 

Whatever other damage Severus had done, at least he hadn’t seen her cry.


	6. Three of Swords

**Three of Swords**

_Heartbreak, emotional pain, sorrow, grief, hurt_

 

It was late by the time Dumbledore arrived at headquarters, the unseasonal storm raging outside adding to the drama of the evening. Lily tried to keep her mind off the possibilities of what might have been and what may yet be to come by chatting to Alice about ordinary expectant mother business. She found it comforting to know another woman in her situation, especially since it was so hard to talk to Petunia about anything. Nice too, to find someone who wasn’t judgemental, or pitying, or dismissive about her pregnancy.

Lily knew, even if sometimes other members of the Order tended to forget, that she wasn’t just fighting to defeat evil, she was fighting for her life, not just her survival but her very right to exist. And what good was there in fighting for her life if she didn’t continue to live it?

‘Good evening,’ said Dumbledore, arriving at last. He shook a few drops of rain off the end of his robes as he greeted Lily, James, Alice, and Frank. His smile was warm, but his eyes were weary.

With little time wasted on tea and formalities, Dumbledore was soon seated at the kitchen table of an old holiday cottage belonging to one of Frank’s relatives. The room was cold, even in the approaching summer, and had a pervading smell of damp. It was all suitably dismal.

‘I shalln’t keep you wondering any longer,’ said Dumbledore. ‘I asked you all to meet with me regarding some grave news, news that concerns the four of you. There has been a Prophecy.’

In spite of herself, Lily snorted derisively. Is that what all this drama had been about? Some nutter staring into an oversized marble and pronouncing on their future. Really, Lily didn’t like to be rude, but she couldn’t help but feel they had more pressing concerns, what with the war raging and all.

‘I am aware you are something of a sceptic,’ said Dumbledore, inclining his head in her direction. ‘Nonetheless, on this occasion I believe it would be wise to take the matter very seriously indeed.’

‘Of course,’ said Lily, as politely as she could manage. She felt uncomfortably like she’d been summoned to the Headmaster’s office for a telling off. 

James shot her a conspiratorial grin and nudged her shoulder. Of course, he’d know all about being called to the Headmaster for a telling off. Grateful for the show of solidarity, Lily grabbed his hand under the table.

They listened in silence as Dumbledore explained the interview he’d conducted with Professor Dammerall’s replacement, Sybil Trelawny, about the trance-like state she’d entered, and the full words of her prophecy: _The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..._

‘It means one of us, doesn’t it?’ said Alice slowly. ‘Lily and I are both due at the end of July; the child will be one of ours.’

‘But that’s absurd,’ said Lily, with rather more certainty than she actually felt.

‘Of course it is,’ agreed James. ‘The combined forces of the Order of the Phoenix is showing no sign of being able to defeat Voldemort, how on Earth is a baby supposed to do it?’

Frank, who had remained silent so far, agreed. ‘It does all sound rather far-fetched, if you’ll pardon me saying so.’

Dumbledore nodded graciously. ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘And I understand this must be a tremendous shock to all of you. I cannot claim to know so much of the arcane that I can see into the future. I would, however, remind you that we all begin life as infants.’

‘Surely you’re not suggesting we’ll all have to suffer Voldemort’s tyranny until one of our as-yet unborn children is old enough to defeat him?’ asked Alice. ‘Assuming, of course, they actually live that long.’

‘Of course not,’ said Lily crossly. ‘Honestly, why are we even discussing this like it’s a real thing? Divination is a lot of waffle, we all know that.’

‘I understand your position,’ said Dumbledore. ‘However, there is a possibility that Voldemort has word of this prophecy. If he does, we cannot assume he will be so quick to dismiss it. It is imperative, therefore, that we make arrangements to ensure all of your safety.’

They talked about safe houses and hiding, all trying to make it sound like it was just another mission. Lily did her best to focus on the practicalities, all the while pushing down the bubbling fear and rage that threatened to overwhelm her.

Eventually, James asked if they might all call it a night, and Lily was relieved that he’d noticed her exhaustion.

Alice hugged Lily goodbye, and they shared sympathetic smiles before it was time to go. Lily found herself lost for words, struggling to even look Alice in the eye, and sick at the sight of Alice’s hand resting on her belly, large and round, just like Lily’s own. Alice had never been anything but kind to Lily, back in school when she took the time to talk to Lily at prefect meetings and on _Tickled Dragon_ , and later when she helped show Lily the ropes when she first joined the Order. For all her kindness, Alice had an iron core that Lily had always admired.

Until Dumbledore had dropped his bombshell, their simultaneous pregnancies had been a bond between the two women. Now, though, a gulf opened up between them. One of their children was about to become Voldemort’s number one target.

 _I hope it’s her_ , Lily realised with a jolt of horror. Alice was a friend, she’d never want anything bad to happen to her. And yet… in that moment, she realised that, yes, if she had the choice she’d rather it was Alice’s child than her own.

Anything to keep her own child safe. Anything at all.

#

Weeks passed, then months, a year and more. Giving birth was straightforward, and Lily was more grateful than she’d ever been that she was a witch, shuddering to imagine what the process must be like without the benefit of pain relieving potions and judiciously used Charms.

Sometimes, sometimes, when Harry laughed or babbled, or shrieked with glee as Lily and James levitated him between them like a wriggling beach ball, when he drooled milky little bubbles on her shoulder, or made another triumphant grab for James’s glasses, Lily almost forgot. Forgot about the war, and Voldemort, and that infuriating, damnable prophecy.

But mostly, their world seemed to shrink, as every new bit of news of the Death Eaters’ plans drove them deeper and deeper into hiding. Their protective bubble might be a safe place, but it was horribly isolating.

Lily couldn’t face Alice, didn’t speak to her after that miserable night with Dumbledore, though she did send heartfelt congratulations on Neville’s birth. Mary had left the country, seeking sanctuary in Canada after her brother was killed in an anti-Muggle attack. Marlene kept on fighting, half beside herself with grief after her parents, grandmother, and young nephew were all killed in a single night by Death Eaters. Even Sirius came around less and less, looking wilder and more exhausted every time.

Keeping up a brave face became harder each day, and so lonely. Their only regular visitor was the sweet old historian next door, although Lily quite often didn’t know what to make of Bathilda Bagshot. She was ever so kind, and plainly adored Harry, and it was clear that she’d been a formidable expert in her day. Sadly, in her later years the good professor’s mind did seem to be a bit confused, and Lily took some of her tales with a large pinch of salt.

As autumn grew cooler, Dumbledore dropped another bombshell. Voldemort had made his choice, and had decided that Harry was the greatest threat to him. He wouldn’t tell them how he knew, and Lily found she lacked the energy for arguing. The spy everyone kept whispering about, most likely.

‘I feel like the fates are punishing me,’ Lily confessed as she got into bed, pulling the blankets up over her and James. She curled herself around him, fearful and needing the comfort of being as close to her husband as possible.

‘You don’t believe in fate,’ James reminded her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. ‘And quite right too; as if there could be a force in the universe that’s equal to Lily Potter.’

Lily forced a wan smile, still feeling sick that she’d hoped this would happen to Alice, not her.

‘You might believe that,’ she told James fondly. ‘The universe may have other ideas.’

‘Then we’ll fight the universe,’ said James. ‘And we’ll win.’

He was no more sure of victory than Lily was, but what use did dwelling on worst-case scenarios ever do anyone? So they prepared their own plans because Dumbledore wasn’t willing to share his. It was all settled, until Sirius turned up with a sit-and-ride dragon for Harry, and his brows knitted in concentration.

‘So I’ve been thinking,’ he said, eyes wide and bright like he’d been doing it instead of sleeping. ‘About the Fidelius Charm.’

‘I don’t care what Dumbledore says,’ James interjected. ‘We trust you.’

Lily nodded emphatically. Rumours and mistrust and whispers were driving most of the Order half out of their minds with worry, and Lily wasn’t immune to it either. She had doubts about so many things, but Sirius’ loyalty had never been one of them.

Sirius bit his lip. ‘Thing is… I think I’ve got a better idea.’

 

 


	7. The Tower

**The Tower**

**__** _Sudden change, upheaval, chaos, revelation, awakening_

 

When Lily woke up, it took her a moment to remember. She couldn’t understand why Sirius was shouting at her, could barely hear what he was saying over the sound of Harry crying. Her head felt fit to burst, and what was she doing lying on the floor?

_Lily, take Harry and go!_

The memory was brutal, a fresh spike of pain. Lily curled in on herself, her throat raw with silent screams.

_It’s him! Go! Run!_

There were hands beneath her elbows, strong but shaking, coaxing Lily to her feet. A fine mist of rain fell, and Lily realised that the windows and most of the ceiling had been blown out. Her face was thick with plaster dust.

_I’ll hold him off –_

She tried to take a step back, step away before it all got too real.

‘Lily, come on.’ Sirius’ eyes were red-rimmed and wild. ‘We have to go.’

‘I can’t… I can’t just leave him.’ Lily glanced around the room, frantic. Harry’s mobile, the one with dragons of the world, was broken, and his stuffed toys were getting wet in the rain. 

‘We need to get out of here,’ said Sirius. Lily thought, vaguely, he might have been saying this for a while. Her head hurt so much. ‘Now, Lily.’

Sirius turned and picked Harry up out of his cot. He was wailing, screaming, and Lily was halfway to reaching out for him on instinct when something caught her eye. A figure in the doorway, lying still on the ground.

‘Is that…?’

‘No,’ said Sirius, pulling her back. ‘I think it’s best… can you Apparate, just into the front garden? I can take Harry.’

But Lily was still staring at the body on the floor.

‘It’s not…?’

‘It’s not James.’

Of course it wasn’t James. The body lying by the door to Harry’s nursery was wearing heavy black robes. They were probably impressive, once, but were now crumpled and damp, sprinkled with dust. Lily took a step closer, peering at the eerily pale white hand, still clutching a wand.

‘He’s dead.’ Sirius spoke sharply, like he was issuing a rebuke. He clearly didn’t want her to get any closer to the body. ‘It’s him. Voldemort. He’s dead.’

Lily nodded mutely. Yes, of course it was. Who else? She rubbed dirt and tears from her eyes and turned back to Sirius. ‘You killed him?’

‘I wish.’ Sirius’ expression turned dark. Harry, who had quietened since being picked up, grizzled, so Sirius stroked his back and jogged him up and down to comfort him. The whole thing looked absurdly incongruous. ‘He was like that when I got here.’ 

Lily nodded again, not voicing the obvious question, _then how?_

‘Really, though, we should leave,’ Sirius continued quickly. ‘Best not to risk the stairs again, they’re in a bit of a state.’

‘I can Apparate,’ said Lily, remembering his earlier question. ‘You take Harry, I’m not sure… I can’t remember where I put my wand.’

‘You could always take his. He won’t be needing it.’

Sirius was probably joking, but some wild impulse seized Lily and she thought, why not? Why shouldn’t she take something from Voldemort, who’d taken so much from her already? Before she had time to think again she ducked down and snatched the slim, long piece of yew from between his cold white fingers.

‘Right.’ Lily tossed her hair and looked back at Sirius. ‘You ready?’

‘Yeah,’ agreed Sirius. Another time, he might even have smiled. ‘I’m ready.’

‘Good, that’s good.’ Lily turned the wand over in her hand. The wand that had just killed her husband. She considered snapping it, but she might yet need it to defend herself and Harry. ‘Let’s go.’

#

Later, Lily found herself sitting in the living room of Bathilda Bagshot’s cottage, a crocheted blanket draped over her shoulders and a cup of tea growing cold in her hands. There were various Order members whispering animatedly in the kitchen, all of them hushing each other guiltily when they remembered she was there.

Upstairs, Harry was asleep in one of the bedrooms. In the other, James’ body lay wrapped in a white cloth, carried there by Sirius, who looked fit to murder anyone who might think of questioning him. Lily was glad he did; she couldn’t bear to leave James crumpled on the floor, feet away from his killer.

‘Maybe I should just go,’ said Sirius, for the umpteeth time.

‘No.’ It wasn’t the first time Lily had said that either.

‘The longer I leave it, the more time he has to get away,’ said Sirius. ‘I could just…’

‘I said, “no”,’ Lily repeated. ‘You’re wasting your time running after Peter. He turns into a rat; he could hide anywhere.’

Sirius glared back at her, mutinous, but Lily knew he wasn’t going anywhere.

‘Besides, I want you with me when Dumbledore gets here,’ she continued.

‘Why? You want me to hold him still while you hex him?

Lily took a sip of her tea. Stone cold and full of sugar, it tasted disgusting. ‘Something like that, yes.’

#

There were Aurors crawling all over the place long before Dumbledore arrived. They’d returned Lily’s wand, but had been precious little use otherwise.

‘Albus, how nice of you to find time for us,’ said Bathilda, with a note of scorn Lily hadn’t heard from her before. To see this tiny witch, a little old dear, scold Albus Dumbledore and him accept it without protestation might have been funny under other circumstances.

Not that anything seemed funny now.

They sat down at opposite sides of the dining table, over fresh cups of tea and a proliferation of doilies. Lily kept her back straight, fingernails digging into the flesh of her hands to distract her from crying. Beside her, Sirius sat alert and watchful, playing his guard dog role perfectly.

‘Voldemort, he’s really dead?’ was Lily’s first question.

‘He is,’ confirmed Dumbledore.

Lily nodded with grim satisfaction. ‘Who killed him?’

‘That is rather less clear,’ said Dumbledore. ‘And perhaps the wrong question.’

Lily felt like screaming.

‘If you could get to the point,’ said Sirius. ‘In case you’d forgotten, James died tonight, so we could do without the usual old flannel.’

If Dumbledore was offended by Sirius’ outburst he gave no sign of it. Instead, he turned to Lily and spoke softly. ‘Perhaps it is time that I gave you a fuller picture of events.’

Even through the dark fog of grief and exhaustion, Lily felt a twinge of exasperation, the desire to roll her eyes and mutter, _finally_. She restrained herself to a curt nod, answering, ‘I think so too.’

‘You already know that Voldemort intended to target Harry, believing that the prophecy most likely referred to him,’ said Dumbledore. ‘It appears that he may, however, have been willing to spare James.’

‘Why?’ blurted Lily before she could stop herself. She glanced around guiltily, but Sirius looked as shocked as she felt. ‘It’s not like James was ever going to stop fighting him.’

Dumbledore offered no answer, but instead continued. ‘Of course, James was far too principled and courageous to surrender. This was something Voldemort could never understand – his own fear of death was so great that he couldn’t imagine facing it willingly, and certainly not for love.’

Lily felt sick. ‘What do you mean?’

‘It’s old magic, magic at its deepest and most impenetrable. Powerful magic,’ said Dumbledore. ‘Powerful enough to stop even an Unforgivable Curse. It is my belief that when Voldemort attempted to cast the Killing Curse again, it rebounded, killing him instead.’ 

Unbidden, Lily’s hand went the the jagged red line, like a streak of lightning running beneath her collar bone. The only mark on her. The one sign that Voldemort had nearly killed her.

‘I lived because he died,’ she said. ‘Is that what you’re telling me?’

Dumbledore looked sad, wearier than Lily could ever remember. Loathe as she was to be the subject of anyone’s pity, Lily did find a small amount of comfort in the kindliness of his smile.

‘I believe that James was willing to lay down his life for his family, and to defeat Voldemort,’ said Dumbledore, with a faint trace of pride. ‘His sacrifice was successful. It is a terrible thing to lose him, for you most of all, and he will be greatly missed. I hope that in time it will be a comfort to know that his death wasn’t in vain.’

Lily wiped her cheeks furiously, only now noticing that she had been spilling silent tears throughout the conversation. Sirius’ hand was on her shoulder, no doubt meant to offer comfort, though his grasp was tight enough to bruise. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep it together.

‘I should…’ she began vaguely, before breaking off. Go? She’d imposed on dear Bathilda long enough, but she didn’t really have anywhere else to go.

‘Of course,’ said Dumbledore. ‘I’ll arrange for you and Harry to stay with one of the families in the Order. I daresay there’ll be some competition to host you.’

‘They’re coming with me,’ said Sirius suddenly. ‘Lily and Harry can stay at mine. I’ll look after them. I promised.’

Dumbledore frowned, and Lily could just tell he was about to start taking over, thanking Sirius for a kind offer but arranging something he considered more appropriate. She could feel the headache coming back on.

‘Of course,’ she said, turning to Sirius and making her best attempt at a smile. ‘Thank you, Padfoot. Can you fetch Harry while I say thank you to Bathilda, and then we’ll just…’ Lily trailed off, uncertain.

‘Allow me to take care of the practicalities,’ said Dumbledore.

‘Thank you,’ said Lily. “The practicalities.” Right, of course. What a quaintly euphemistic way to describe the task of moving her murdered husband’s corpse to the church. Lily closed her eyes for a moment and too a deep breath. She could do this. She had to.

‘He’s an Animagus,’ said Sirius, breaking Lily out of her reverie. ‘Peter’s an Animagus. He turns into a rat.’

Dumbledore looked, for once, genuinely surprised, though he didn’t speak.

‘Someone should make him pay,’ Sirius continued, looking at Lily as though trying to explain himself. They’d all promised, she knew, to keep it a secret, but that was before. Before the war took Remus off to who-knows-where, before Peter betrayed them. Before James died. Lily nodded her agreement; it was past time to put playground secrets behind them.

‘I’m sure Alastor will be most interested in this information,’ said Dumbledore. ‘Thank you.’

#

The sky was murky with the promise of dawn by the time they arrived at Sirius’ flat. She’d somehow forgotten it was only a small, one bedroom flat in a converted townhouse, but Sirius set Harry down on his own bed, insisting that he’d been fine curled up as a dog in front of the fire while Lily and Harry shared the bedroom.

‘Do you hate me?’ Lily asked. 

‘Don’t be stupid,’ said Sirius.

‘Not even a little bit?’ Lily’s eyes were itching with salt and exhaustion. ‘James died because of me. I know how much you loved him.’

Sirius had been rummaging in the cupboards for cocoa, with some idea he’d make hot chocolate, but Lily’s question made him stop suddenly. He went very tense, his knuckles white as he gripped the cupboard door. Eventually he turned, and it seemed to take a great effort for him to face Lily.

‘It should really be me asking you, shouldn’t it?’ he said quietly. ‘I should’ve been your Secret Keeper. It’s my fault.’

‘It’s not your fault,’ said Lily. She wondered if perhaps she should have seen Peter’s betrayal coming, but she’d never thought, never even imagined that he might sell them out.

‘If I haven’t switched, James would still be alive,’ said Sirius blankly.

Lily was too tired to argue the finer points of who was to blame for what. She didn’t blame Sirius, didn’t like to even think of him blaming himself, but it was true. If he’d been their Secret Keeper, James would still be alive.

_And so would Voldemort._

The tears started bubbling up, threatening to choke her. She couldn’t say the words, but she knew Sirius must be thinking it too. James’s life was the price they paid for defeating Voldemort.

‘We never knew it would come to this,’ said Lily, her voice breaking into a sob on the final word. Sirius reached for her, pulling her into a fierce embrace, and she felt sure he was weeping with her.

The Order, most of the magical world, the history books that Bathilda would later write, would all remember James’s death as a noble sacrifice, tragic, but still a necessary means to an end. 

Just for tonight, though, Lily could cling to the one person in the world who truly shared her doubts that it was worth it.

 

 


	8. Five of Cups, Reversed

**Five of Cups, Reversed**

**__** _Personal setbacks, self-forgiveness, moving on._

 

The War was over, and James buried, but still, somehow, life was supposed to go on. Lily had cried, screamed, and carried on, and felt hollowed out and fragile. She was endlessly, desperately grateful for Harry, whose simple needs and regular demands gave direction to her days. Up, breakfast, trips to the park or the library, lunch, afternoon naps, shopping, making dinner, bath time and bedtime stories. Lily went through the routines of childcare as best she could, dimly aware that she moved more slowly now, weighed down by the effort of negotiating the fog of grief.

Sirius, by contrast, was a tightly-wound ball of energy, constantly finding some small task or other to keep himself occupied. He used both magic and Muggle means to turn his flat into a child-friendly home, painting forest murals on the walls of the room Lily and Harry now shared, filling an Ever Expanding Toy Chest with a frankly absurd number of toys, books, and games, and even clearing the small garden so Harry could play outdoors. The upstairs neighbours were Muggles, so unable to play out on his toy broom, Harry zoomed about the garden on a garishly plastic sit and ride bike.

Harry was down for the night, exhausted from a trip to a City Farm. (They weren’t deliberately avoiding the magical world. It was just… Muggles asked fewer questions.) Lily leant back on the sofa, using half-hearted Levitating Charms to pick Harry’s crayons up off the floor, while Sirius sat hunched and scowling over a pile of scrunched up parchments. His owl, Selene, perched on the back of a chair, waiting patiently for him to finish writing. Lily didn’t like to ask, but it was obvious who he was writing to. Remus had shown his face at the funeral, but had quietly faded away again afterwards. Asking Sirius about him was just asking for trouble.

A rapping sound startled them both. Sirius was on his feet in an instant, wand raised at the ready. Just because Voldemort was gone didn’t mean they could afford to let their guard down. Lily positioned herself in front of the door to the bedroom where Harry lay sleeping, and then nodded for Sirius to approach the front door. He kept his wand ready, but out of direct sight as he peered through the peephole.

‘What the hell?’ he muttered, then opened the door. ‘What are _you_ doinghere?’

Lily didn’t know who she’d expected, but it certainly hadn’t been Narcissa Black. Well, Narcissa Malfoy now, so she’d heard. Read all about it in the Prophet, photo spread and all.

‘I didn’t come to talk to you,’ said Narcissa, brushing Sirius aside with a wave of her hand. Sirius looked annoyed, but too surprised to argue.

‘No, but really.’ Lily’s gaze fluttered between Sirius and Narcissa, utterly perplexed. ‘What _are_ you doing here?’

Narcissa sniffed, like they’d both just made the most appalling faux-pas, but she was grand enough to let it pass. She fixed her gaze on Lily.

‘I have information for you,’ she said. ‘You may not be safe. You, and your child.’

Lily thought fast, trying to process the situation. She’d barely exchanged two words with Narcissa since the end of their fling back in school, what seemed like a lifetime ago. Furthermore, although there was no evidence that Narcissa herself had ever been a Death Eater, she was close to people who almost certainly were. No-one had ever been able to pin anything on that slippery fish of a husband of hers, but her sister, Bellatrix, practically boasted in the streets about her allegiances. 

There wasn’t much reason to trust her.

‘What do you care whether I’m safe or not?’ asked Lily. ‘And, quite honestly, why should I believe a single word you say?’

‘Look, I didn’t have to come here,’ said Narcissa. Bright spots of colour illuminated her face. 

‘Does your precious husband know you’re here?’ said Sirius, his tone taunting. ‘Does Bella?’

Narcissa turned on him, furious. Lily didn’t think she’d ever seen such a display of emotion from her. ‘Don’t be absurd,’ she said. ‘And stop interrupting. You never did know how to keep your mouth shut.’

Sirius looked like he had quite a few more things to say about that, but Lily put up her hand to quiet him. Watching a family squabble break out between the cousins might be strangely entertaining, but she wasn’t going to learn anything from it.

‘Tell me,’ she said, taking a step towards Narcissa. ‘Tell me why you think I’m in danger. Tell me who is a threat to my son.’

‘Not everyone is celebrating the Dark Lord’s death,’ said Narcissa, pointedly ignoring Sirius’ snort of disgust. ‘Some of his most… enthusiastic supporters are angry. They want revenge.’

‘So they want to kill me,’ said Lily, as calmly as she could. She’d almost grown used to knowing that complete strangers wanted to kill her simply for existing. Almost. ‘They blame me for Voldemort’s death.’

Narcissa nodded. ‘Of course, you would expect that,’ she said. ‘But there’s more. The children.’

‘Children?’ Lily blinked.

‘The prophecy, I don’t know the full details,’ said Narcissa. ‘I do know that the Dark Lord himself hadn’t heard all of it, and that could be significant.’

‘That flaming prophecy!’ said Lily, unable to keep her voice down. ‘It’s all complete rubbish.’

Narcissa smiled, almost fondly. ‘Yes, I remember,’ she said. ‘You always did hate Divination.’

A memory surfaced, unbidden, of Narcissa taking her hand and tracing her heart line as they sat, huddled close together, in an Edinburgh tea shop, finger sandwiches and scones untouched as their tea turned cold. Lily could almost feel the flutter of Narcissa’s touch, faint as the echo of a dream.

‘Turns out I have good reason,’ said Lily grimly. ‘But tell me more.’

‘The Dark Lord’s remaining supporters plan to abduct your son,’ said Narcissa. The words came out in a rush, as though she thought saying them quickly would make them any more palatable. ‘The Longbottom child, too. Don’t ask me for any more details, because I don’t know anything.’

Lily had a lot of questions, but she realised that if Narcissa was telling the truth – and she couldn’t see any reason to think she wasn’t – then she had taken a great risk in coming to warn Lily. There was one thing she couldn’t _not_ ask about, however.

‘Why?’ she said. ‘Why would you come here to warn me about this? I assume you’re not supposed to.’

It took Narcissa several long moments to answer. Her face was as hard to read as ever, but it seemed she wasn’t just choosing her words carefully; she was considering why she’d chosen to come and warn Lily at all.

‘It’s better that the war stays over,’ Narcissa answered at last. ‘Let everything get back to normal. Chasing after infants is… excessive.’

It seemed like a fair explanation, certainly as good as they were likely to get. Lily wondered if Narcissa did feel any scrap of affection for her, or perhaps some fellow feeling as a mother. Didn’t she too have a child around Harry’s age?

‘Thank you,’ said Lily.

Narcissa nodded stiffly. ‘I take it I can rely on your discretion?’

‘Of course,’ agreed Lily, not stopping to think how she could explain any of this to the rest of the Order without mentioning Narcissa. 

_That_ was the least of her problems.

#

A few days, several rather heated conversations with Sirius, and a flurry of protective spell-casting later, Lily set out alone to visit the Longbottoms. A vague sense of guilt still lingered when she thought about how the news of the prophecy should have brought her closer to Alice, the only person who could’ve understood how she felt, but instead made it almost impossible to face her.

Well, she couldn’t very well avoid her any longer.

Alice looked surprised to see her, but genuinely pleased anyway. She chattered brightly about everyday things while picking a path through Neville’s toys so that Lily could follow her into the living room and sit down.

‘And how are you?’ asked Alice, sitting down and looking at Lily directly. 

Lily shrugged, a little taken aback by the intensity of Alice’s gaze. ‘I’m fine,’ she said. ‘As well as can be expected, you know.’

Alice nodded, reached out for Lily’s hand, and gave it a squeeze. ‘If there’s ever anything I can do,’ she said. ‘Anything at all, please ask.’

‘Thank you,’ said Lily. She wondered, in a brief flash of hysteria, if Alice felt guilty that her husband was still alive. Or maybe seeing Lily just made her feel grateful. Lily wondered how friendly Alice would be once she heard Lily’s news. ‘But that’s not why I’m here. I have something to tell you.’

Slowly, her voice shaking only occasionally, Lily told Alice everything she’d heard from Narcissa, and about her own plans to keep Harry safe. Though it went against all her instincts, Lily knew Harry would be safer away from her, harder for rogue Death Eaters to find. She’d had a hell of a job convincing Sirius to take Harry to visit Mary in Canada without her, and he’d only given in when she’d agreed to stay with Marlene and Dorcas while he was gone. There hadn’t been an hour passed since they’d gone that Lily hadn’t regretted sending them away. 

Alice listened in silence, her eyes wide with surprise but otherwise admirably calm.

‘You need to hide Neville,’ finished Lily. ‘I don’t think they’ll come after you or Frank personally but… you need to keep him safe.’

‘We will.’ Alice might be scared, but she was determined. ‘And we’ll catch these bastards as well. There are still a few empty cells in Azkaban.’

Lily hadn’t even thought that far ahead, but she wasn’t surprised that Alice had. She was an Auror, after all.

‘What about you, though?’ asked Alice as she showed Lily back out again. ‘Are you alright?’

‘No,’ confessed Lily. Harry’s absence was a constant ache, like she had torn out her own guts and sent them overseas. ‘But I will be.’

Alice nodded and pulled Lily in for a hug. Her embrace was warm, comforting, and part of Lily didn’t want to let go.

‘We’ll get these chancers, you’ll see,’ Alice assured her. ‘Don’t forget, the war’s over and we won. This is just a clean-up operation.’

‘It is,’ agreed Lily. She liked that way of looking at it. ‘And you’ll call me too, yeah? If anything happens.’

‘I will,’ said Alice. Lily thought – hoped – that Alice understood instinctively that Lily needed to be a part of this fight. She couldn’t hide on the side-lines again.

#

Lily expected it to happen at night. She couldn’t say why, perhaps it was the memory of Hallowe’en, but her paranoia grew every time dusk fell. Every creak on the stairs was an approaching Death Eater, every backfiring exhaust the crack of Apparition. She slept fitfully, her fingers wrapped tight around her wand, the air thrumming with protective and tracking charms.

But it wasn’t night time, it was mid-afternoon, a quiet and unremarkable day, when the sleek silver hare of Alice’s Patronus arrived, dashing in circles around the kitchen.

 _They are here_ it announced, before dissipating into a silvery mist.

Lily was alone watching it. Dorcas was at work; Marlene was sleeping off night shift. It had been so long since Lily had been called to assist an Order mission, but remembering the old protocols calmed her nerves. She hurried to wake Marlene, who was alert and on her feet in seconds, wand at the ready in bed-head and pyjamas. Lily sent her own Patronus with a message to Dumbledore, and then took Marlene’s hand as they Disapparated.

When they arrived at a pre-arranged spot, beneath the apple tree at the end of the Longbottom’s garden, it was clear there was a fight in full progress inside the house. Bangs and flashes of light betrayed a furious magical battle that the Ministry would have one heck of a job explaining later.

Not that Lily had time to think about that.

She ran towards the house, barely stopping to make herself inconspicuous.

‘Careful,’ warned Marlene, her hand on Lily’s wrist. ‘They don’t know we’re here. Let’s use that to our advantage.’

A moment later Lily felt a chill creeping down from the top of her head to her toes. Looking up, she saw Marlene seeming to fade away as she waved her wand around her head, Disillusioning herself as she had already done for Lily.

Most of the noise seemed to be coming from the front of the house. ‘ _Alohomora_ ,’ whispered Lily against the kitchen door, sighing with relief when it clicked open. She crept indoors, with Marlene close behind her.

The fight inside had already turned nasty. In the hallway, a pale, whey-faced boy lay wriggling on the floor, struggling against magical bindings. ‘Stupefy,’ said Marlene, knocking him out cold before he could see any sign of Lily and Marlene approaching and raise the alarm.

Beside him, Frank Longbottom lay stock still on his back, eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling. Lily might have stopped to see if he was breathing, to close his eyes for him if he were not, but suddenly the house was filled with the sound of Alice screaming.

In the living room where Lily had sat and chatted to Alice days before a sickening scene was unfolding. Alice was on the floor, curled up on the rug and writhing in agony from the Cruciatus Curse. Above her, Bellatrix Lestrange stood tall and imposing, her face contorted into a monstrous sneer as she tortured Alice.

By the window, and on the sofa, two other Death Eaters – Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange, though Lily never could remember which was which – lounged insouciantly, seeming almost bored by Bellatrix’s display of cruelty.

‘Take them out, then her,’ whispered Marlene into Lily’s ear. Lily nodded, glad at least that the sound of Alice’s cries kept the Death Eaters from hearing them approach. It was would make getting vengeance easier.

‘ _Stupefy_ ,’ she and Marlene chorused, knocking out the Lestrange brothers in an instant.

Bellatrix, as expected, presented more of a challenge. She fought like a demon, ferocious and unrelenting, so that even Lily and Marlene combined had to use all their wits to match her. Their two-against-one advantage wouldn’t last for long, and they couldn’t be sure any more of the Order would arrive before Rabastan and Rodolphus recovered.

‘ _Avada Kedavra!_ ’ Bellatrix’s Killing Curse missed Marlene by inches, whizzing over her shoulder and smashing out the front window.

Incensed, Lily aimed a Blasting Curse at Bellatrix’s feet, sending her flying. The spell was more powerful than she expected, ripping a hole in the ground and shattering the coffee table.

Whatever spell Bellatrix tried to cast in response misfired, smashing the mirror above the fireplace instead. It shattered into a thousand pieces, the shards flying out in all directions. Marlene cast a quick Shield Charm, protecting herself and Alice, who still lay on the rug, fighting for breath.

Bellatrix advanced on Lily, a thick stream of blood flowing down the side of her face, her mouth open in rage. Her wand arm was raised, but Lily soon realised why her last spell had gone astray.

‘Your wand’s broken,’ she cried out with a half-hysterical bubble of laughter. ‘A stuck up pure-blood without a wand; what fucking use are you now?’

‘How dare you!’ Bellatrix roared, spitting with rage. She looked every bit as deranged as everyone said she was, only in that moment Lily wasn’t afraid of her. This time, she had the advantage, and it wasn’t because she and Marlene had her outnumbered.

Bellatrix was probably used to people cowering from her in terror, and certainly hadn’t expected Lily to rush towards her. It only took an instant, a brief flurry of movement, as Lily grabbed Bellatrix by the elbows and then rammed her head forwards, crashing her skull into Bellatrix’s face.

Stunned and bleeding, Bellatrix tumbled backwards, collapsing onto the floor. Marlene had her in a full body bind in an instant.

‘Did you really just head-butt a Death Eater?’ asked Marlene.

Hopped up on adrenaline, with her head still ringing, Lily couldn’t help but grin. ‘That I did,’ she said. ‘Felt good too.’

#

They buried Frank on a rainy Tuesday afternoon, behind an old church with narrow pews and shocking draughts. Lily held Harry on her lap, or her hip, the whole time, her shoulder aching by the end – he was growing heavy. Alice had asked that she, and the other mourners, bring their children, wanting Frank’s funeral to be a celebration of his life, an opportunity to choose hope over despair.

The weather wasn’t the only thing working against her, though. Glancing around, Lily thought she wasn’t the only one who felt tired more than anything else. Tired of the burying their loved ones, tired of thinking it was all over only to have to find the strength to fight again. Even Sirius, who stuck so closely to her side that Lily had to ask to be left alone to use the bathroom, looked exhausted.

Alice kept her head high, and Lily felt strangely proud of the way she managed to smile at every great-uncle’s anecdote, and pass out sweeties to all the children without breaking down in tears. She could barely remember James’ funeral, but felt sure she couldn’t possibly have matched Alice’s gentle composure.

For once, Lily stayed right until the end, when she passed Harry to Sirius so that she could hug Alice goodbye. Alice held her tight, her arms wrapped around Lily’s waist, coarse stands of her hair damp on Lily’s shoulder.

‘Thank you,’ said Alice as she stepped back, rubbing a rogue tear from her cheek.

‘What for?’ asked Lily. She really hadn’t done anything.

‘For surviving,’ said Alice. ‘For showing me that I can too.’

An inspiration was the very last thing Lily imagined herself to be. She didn’t know where to begin answering that, so instead she grabbed Alice again, as if the fierceness of her embrace could keep them all safe.

It didn’t seem like they had very much else left.

#

The Ministry asked Lily to give evidence at the trial. For two days she sat in the imposing darkness of Courtroom Ten, as the assembled members of the Wizengamot considered what appeared to be an open-and-shut case. Except when they were giving evidence, she sat between Alice and Marlene, their hands joined in a silence gesture of solidarity.

The guilty verdicts came as no surprise, as most of the defendants made no effort to defend themselves against the charges they faced. Indeed, Bellatrix Lestrange made an impassioned, if rather disturbing speech about her ongoing loyalty to her defeated master.

‘They say that a term in Azkaban can drive a person insane,’ Marlene whispered into Lily’s ear. ‘At least they won’t have to worry about that with her.’

Worse still was the piteous display of Barty Crouch Jr begging for mercy from his own father, who seemed to wear his contempt for the boy as a badge of honour. Lily reminded herself that Crouch Junior was only crying because he’d been caught and made to face the consequences, that he’d likely committed all manner of heinous deeds even before he’d helped kill Frank and attempted to abduct Neville. Even so, he still seemed little more than a boy, and she couldn’t help but be moved by his sobs and his screams of terror as the Dementors took him away.

‘I know it’s the son who committed the crimes,’ said Alice as they watched him go. ‘But I still think it’s the father I despise more.’

Lily nodded, understanding. Both James and Frank had given their lives for their families; Barty Crouch had gladly given up his son for his political career.

#

They went out, to celebrate or commemorate, or _something._ Mary had come down from visiting her grandparents in Dundee, and was making vague noises about returning to Britain permanently again. Marlene seemed more relaxed once Dorcas arrived, and dragged them all to the boisterous Club Artemis, where they threw back far too many Doxy Venom shots and heckled the house band. Only Alice and Lily couldn’t quite throw themselves into the spirit of the occasion, although they gave it their best efforts.

It was still early when the Knight Bus dropped them off outside Alice’s front garden gate, the conductor telling them to be quick or he’d leave again without Lily. Alice reminded Lily again that she was perfectly fine going home alone, but she didn’t really seem to mind Lily walking her to her door.

‘You keep surviving, yeah?’ said Lily as she hugged Alice goodnight.

Alice smiled, and nodded, then leant forward to kiss Lily. It started off as a press peck, innocent and easily excused, but Lily caught Alice’s hands and kissed her back, and soon they were kissing in a way that felt sweet and passionate all at once, underscored with a thread of desperation. Lily raised her hand to stroke Alice’s face, damp with a stray tear.

‘Sorry, sorry…’ Alice backed away, her hand going up to her mouth like she’d said something she shouldn’t. ‘I didn’t mean to – sorry.’

She turned in a hurry, and disappeared behind the front door before Lily had the chance to stop her, before she had the chance to tell Alice it was alright, there was nothing for her to be sorry for, that the kiss had been the first moment of true happiness Lily had felt in months. Lily stood in stunned silence for a moment, her forehead resting against the cheery red gloss of Alice’s front door, until the honking of the Knight Bus horn reminded her it was time to hurry home.

> Image Description: A drawing of Lily and Alice in a garden. The Knight Bus is behind them. Alice is hunched over, eyes closed, holding her head with her other arm wrapped around her waist. Lily is comforting Alice with one hand on her shoulder. Art by [nosignofwings](https://nosignofwings.tumblr.com/).


	9. The Star

**The Star**

_Hope,faith, purpose, renewal, spirituality_

 

They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes Lily felt it was more like monotony dulled the pain of grief. She enrolled Harry in a small, friendly nursery around the corner, just a few hours a week, but she needed something to stop herself hovering over him at every moment. He had to live, she reminded herself, and a life tied to his mother’s apron strings would be no life at all.

Lily’s own life, though, was a rather low-octane affair. There were large chunks of the year since James’s death that she could barely remember, and sometimes she secretly wondered whether her problem was that she’d stopped doing anything memorable. The highlight of her week was a trip Diagon Alley, meeting Marlene for lunch at the Leaky Cauldron.

‘Please tell me you’ve done something exciting since last week,’ said Lily as she and Marlene made themselves comfortable in their favourite corner of the pub. ‘You know you’re my major source of entertainment these days.’

Marlene grinned. ‘What, that gig you got going with Witch Weekly not thrilling enough for you? I thought your article on alternatives to dragon’s blood for cleaning the oven was fascinating.’

‘Fuck you,’ said Lily amiably. It wasn’t the first time Marlene had suggested that Lily was wasting her talents writing ocasional fluff pieces for the weeklies, but Lily didn’t want to get into that discussion again. Largely because she knew Marlene was right. 

‘Truth be told, Curse-Breaking hasn’t been exactly thrilling lately,’ said Marlene. ‘Far too many rubbish pranks for my liking; I’ve dealt with two exploding toilets and a farting park bench this week already.’

‘Farting park benches?’ said Lily, unimpressed. ‘It’s like they’re not even trying.’

‘Which is why I’m thinking about applying for a new job,’ said Marlene. ‘Gringotts are recruiting again. I started out at the Ministry because the Order needed people keeping an eye out there and I didn’t want to be away from Dorcas, but the new jobs at Gringotts are flexible, so I’d only have to go away for a week or so at a time.’

‘That sounds amazing,’ said Lily, with just a twinge of envy. It seemed like all around her people were getting on with their lives; Mary had taken up a job with the Muggle Worthy Excuse Committee’s Scottish office, Alice was back at work in the Auror’s office, and Sirius had started Healer training. She seemed to be the only one who was just treading water.

Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of a house-elf carrying generous bowls of stew accompanied by chunks of crusty bread. Marlene thanked the elf and sniffed appreciatively at their food.

‘Well, I haven’t got the job yet,’ she said. ‘But I am hopeful. It’d be good to do something _fun_.’

‘Fun, remind me again what that is?’ said Lily as she picked up her fork.

‘You know,’ said Marlene, dipping her bread in her stew. ‘Travel, adventure, romance. Sex.’

Lily snorted. ‘Fat chance of that. 22-year-old widows with toddlers in tow aren’t exactly every man’s fantasy women.’

‘Screw men,’ snorted Marlene. ‘Or rather, don’t. You need a girlfriend.’

‘Not exactly beating the ladies off with a shitty stick either,’ said Lily. She realised, though, that Marlene had a point: the world of childrearing and women’s magazines seemed intensely heterosexual. Lily raised enough eyebrows sharing a flat with a man she wasn’t married to; the prospect of her partnering up with someone who wasn’t a man would be sure to set tongues wagging at the Mother and Toddler groups.

‘Have you tried looking?’ asked Marlene, quickly taking Lily’s silence as an admission. ‘Didn’t think so. You need to put yourself out more, go somewhere that isn’t all baby puke and housewifery. It’ll do you good.’

‘I don’t even know where to start,’ confessed Lily. Another downside, she supposed, to marrying almost straight out of school; she had no idea how to navigate the world as a single adult.

Marlene seemed prepared for this eventuality, and she pulled a flier from the pocket of her robes. Lily recognised the logo for Club Artemis, the bar where they’d celebrated Bellatrix Lestrange and her cronies being sent down.

‘They do coffee mornings now,’ said Marlene. ‘Perfect for people who are too boring for clubbing it, but not quite straight enough for, I don’t know, knitting circles. You should give it a go.’

Lily stared down at the flyer, written in a friendly font with an abundance of cheery exclamation marks. _Come and join us! All welcome!_ ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I am quite busy with Harry and all.’

‘Rubbish,’ said Marlene briskly. ‘You can go while he’s at nursery, or get Sirius to babysit – I know he doesn’t have to go into St Mungo’s full time while he’s training. I’ll take the little tyke out myself if it means you get to do something for yourself. You deserve a break.’

Things must be getting bad if Marlene was offering to babysit; she showered Harry with amazing gifts every birthday but was always wary around him, looking like she half expected him to explode at any moment.

‘OK,’ agreed Lily. ‘I’ll give it a go.’

#

Lily arrived at Club Artemis feeling strangely nervous. Perfectly ridiculous, she scolded herself: she’d fought off enough Dark Wizards in her time, surely she could sit down for tea and cake with a few lesbians without breaking into a cold sweat? Of course, not all of them would be lesbians. Some of them might be bi, like her. Or trans. Lily wondered if it was bad form to ask, and gave herself another worry about the prospect of having to justify her own queer credentials. Maybe this had all been a bad idea…

‘Hello there!’ a short, smiling witch with purple hair called out to Lily. She looked like a kindly grandma, and Lily instantly felt silly for having been so anxious. ‘Would you like tea or coffee?’

Once she got started, Lily found the group easy-going and fun. The older witch who’d greeted her was Amaryllis Brown, a retired Herbologist who gave Lily several tips for improving their small garden. Lily also met Zeinab, a Quidditch coach who worked with the Holyhead Harpies and Puddlemere United; Ines, a magical portrait painter whose hands where always marked with paint; and Sylvia, who talked with her hands and always found a way to make the group laugh.

Sometimes Lily ran into someone she already knew. Dorcas came sometimes, joking that they’d have to start serving Firewhisky in the coffee for her to convince Marlene to come along. More surprisingly, another regular was Rosmerta, who Lily remembered as the landlady from the Three Broomsticks.

‘Bit like running into a teacher outside of school, isn’t it?’ Rosmerta said when she first spoke to Lily. ‘Everyone’s surprised to see me anywhere that isn’t the Three Broomsticks.’

Lily held up her hands and laughed. ‘True, I was surprised. I’m sure you must get a bit fed up of it, sometimes.’

‘It’s not so bad,’ said Rosmerta. ‘And I do remember so many embarrassing teenage mishaps from everyone.’

‘Oh Merlin, don’t remind me,’ said Lily, blushing. She remembered, for the first time in years, the evening she, Mary, and Marlene had to be asked to leave after their raucous rendition of the latest hit from Henrietta and the Hinkypunks.

Rosmerta grinned, and it made her look prettier than ever. She’d always been an attractive woman, with deep brown eyes and long, curly hair that bounced every time she moved her head. Her gentle, flirtatious manner only enhanced the attraction.

‘You shouldn’t worry,’ said Rosmerta. ‘I’ve seen much worse. You wouldn’t believe half the stories I’ve heard from students trying to wrangle a shot of Firewhisky.’

‘Probably not,’ agreed Lily. ‘But I’d love to hear some of them anyway.’

Talking to Rosmerta was fun, and they soon moved on from swapping Hogwarts stories to chatting about all sorts of things; Harry, the terrible candidates standing for Minister for Magic, the places Rosmerta visited when she shut her pub down for the summer holidays. It was the first time, Lily realised, that she’d really connected to someone outside of the Order, and she found her friendship with Rosmerta made a refreshing change. The way Rosmerta sometimes flirted with her, the odd off-colour joke or casual touch, was very nice as well.

‘So, I’ll have to be heading home next week,’ Rosmerta said as she and Lily returned their dirty coffee cups on a languid August afternoon. ‘Got to get the place spruced up ready for the Autumn term.’

‘Oh.’ Lily tried not to look too obviously downcast. Selfishly, she didn’t like the idea of Rosmerta going, but she knew that was being unfair. Of course Rosmerta had her own life and her work that she wanted to be getting back to.

‘I’ll miss you too,’ said Rosmerta kindly.

Lily smiled. ‘Thank-you. And maybe I could come and visit, if that’s alright? I wouldn’t mind coming for a drink in the old place either.’

‘I was hoping you might join me for dinner,’ said Rosmerta. ‘Before the hordes descend.’

‘Oh,’ Lily repeated, her throat suddenly dry. ‘Like a date?’

Rosmerta didn’t say anything, just moved a little closer. Her smile was wicked and wide, like a cat that was about to lap up the cream. She nodded.

‘I… that…’ Lily stammered, wondering what was wrong with her. Why was she acting like a dizzy teenager? ‘I’d like that very much.’

#

Lily returned home wearing last night’s robes and a vague air of self-satisfaction. Her hopes of being allowed to wallow in post-shag euphoria in peace were rudely interrupted when she found Marlene and Sirius sitting on the sofa waiting for her.

‘What time do you call this?’ demanded Sirius, the moment Lily walked through the door.

‘Dirty stop-out,’ added Marlene. ‘Shocking behaviour. I’m shocked, aren’t you?’

‘Deeply shocked,’ agreed Sirius.

Lily rolled her eyes. ‘You’re both hilarious. Where’s my son?’

‘Tell us everything you got up to last night and we’ll tell you where Harry is,’ said Marlene.

Laughing, Lily squeezed in between her and Sirius on the sofa. ‘You drop him off a nursery all right?’

‘Of course,’ said Sirius. ‘I even packed his wellies for outside play. Now tell us all everything before poor Marlene explodes with curiosity.’

‘Oh, like you’re not playing the prurient nosy parker yourself,’ said Lily. ‘Anyway, if you want all the gory details you’re going to be disappointed, because I’m not telling. But I will say that I had a very nice evening, no complaints.’

Marlene cheered and nudged Lily’s shoulder. ‘Good for you, babe!’ she said. ‘Our girl got laid; I’m so proud.’

‘It’s such a beautiful moment,’ said Sirius, faking wiping away a tear. ‘So, marks out of ten?’

‘Behave,’ said Lily. ‘Can’t a girl have any privacy? I don’t cross-examine you about what you and Remus get up to.’

‘Yeah, that’s because he’d probably tell you,’ said Marlene. ‘But back to Rosmerta: are you gonna see her again?’

‘As friends, sure,’ said Lily. ‘Rosmerta’s great and I had an amazing time, but I’m not after a relationship right now.’

Marlene leant across Lily to mock-whisper at Sirius. ‘You hear that? Our Lils is a player.’

‘Breaking hearts up and down the country,’ said Sirius. ‘Who’d have thought?’

Lily just laughed. She had no intention of becoming a player, and she was pretty sure her friends knew it. But felt good to have something casual. Not just the actual sex – although that had been amazing – but just having something in her life that was _fun_. It had been too long, she realised, since she’d done anything for herself.

It was a liberating, invigorating experience. Perhaps, Lily thought, she ought to listen to Marlene’s advice more often.

#

The offices of the Daily Prophet were smaller than Lily had expected, and full of people. Along one side of the room was a kind of makeshift owlery – a long beam where the owls landed to rest, with dishes of food and water for them, and a harassed-looking young wizard whose job it seemed to be to wrangle all the incoming and outgoing post. There were several rows of large wooden desks, each with an old fashioned metal typewriter, a Quick Quotes Quill, and various piles of paper and parchments stacked up. The room was noisy, from the clank of typewriters, the scratch of quills, and voices raised above the drone of the printing press below.

Most of the space was open plan but the editor, Barnabas Cuffe, had his own office in the corner, with windows all around so he could keep an eye on his staff. Lily remembered Barnabas slightly from her early days in the Slug Club; she hadn’t had much to say to the seventh year Ravenclaw back then, but she did remember he was always immaculately groomed, one thing that hadn’t changed. His office, too, was spotless, an oasis of calm in the frantic rush of the Prophet.

‘I’ve had a read through your portfolio and it doesn’t look bad – most of the subject matter’s dull as dishwater, but you’ve got a way with words. Horace has given you a glowing recommendation,’ said Barnabas. ‘I see from your application letter that you want to move to news?’

‘That’s right,’ said Lily. ‘What I really want is to do is some proper investigate work. Something to really get my teeth into.’

‘Sure about that?’ Barnabas leant forward across his desk, looking at Lily directly. ‘It can get tough in the field. Features is an easy life, but the best news stories are the ones people don’t want you to hear, and there’s a lot of people – powerful people sometimes – who get angry with journalists asking too many questions. You think you can handle that?’

‘I duelled Voldemort and won,’ said Lily. ‘Three times. I’ll be happy to trade my wand for a quill, but I know how to handle myself.’

Barnabas looked pleased. ‘I reckon you can,’ he said. ‘OK, I’m willing to give you a trial as a junior reporter. The pay’s not up to much, but work hard and do well, there’s plenty of opportunities to move up the ladder. What do you say?’

Lily beamed. ‘When can I start?

#

Her first month at the Prophet was exhausting, and not always for the right reasons. There were rather more tea-making duties than Lily had anticipated, and rather fewer opportunities for stunning exposés, It was a fortnight before she even made it out of the office, and that was because her new mentor, Rita Skeeter, insisted on taking her for a manicure. Lily liked to think the best of people, but she wasn’t entirely sure what to make of this one; Rita was tough and glamorous, with an irreverently bitchy sense of humour, and she didn’t suffer fools gladly. Lily admired Rita’s nerve, the way she wouldn’t let anything stand between her and a story, but she questioned her ethics. Rita didn’t seem to care much who her stories harmed, or even if they were entirely true.

It had been a thrill seeing her name in the paper for the first time, even if the story was a just a brief write-up about proposed changes to the fines levied for improper use of charms on Muggle artefacts. Maybe not the most interesting news, but it was still news, and Lily was proud of herself.

Harry seemed to be coping well with full-time nursery as well, although both Sirius and Lily picked him up early when they could. Friday had been a slow day, so Barnabas sent most of the staff home early. Much as Lily was enjoying her new job, she didn’t wait to be asked twice.

‘Hello, sweetheart,’ she said, picking Harry up and kissing him on the cheek. ‘How would you like a trip to the park before tea?’

‘Yes!’ Harry shouted. He waved his arms triumphantly. ‘Park!’

Harry’s exuberance continued while Lily stuffed him into his coat, collected his finger-painting and heard an update on everything he’d eaten and pooed out, unfolded his buggy and strapped Harry in, and got halfway down the street before realising she’d forgotten Harry’s favourite toy and dashing back for it. His “Pafloof” had once been a nice little plush dog, but years of being dribbled on, falling in puddles, and being the victim of some startling examples of accidental underage magic had left the toy rather ragged. Lily had tried in vain to find a replacement, but it seemed the messier and smellier Pafloof became, the more Harry loved him.

‘I think we deserve a treat,’ said Lily as she saw the ice-cream van parked outside the entrance to the park. Unsurprisingly, it was doing a roaring trade. ‘Harry, do you want a lolly?’

But the excitement had all proven a bit too much for Harry, and he had fallen fast asleep in his buggy. Lily smiled at him indulgently and turned the buggy around. Best to head home. Feeling optimistic, she bought a magazine and a bar of chocolate from a kiosk on the way. Sirius would still be at work, so if Harry’s nap lasted she might actually get half-an-hour to relax and enjoy herself without interruption. Bliss.

When she got home, Lily thought at first that the flat was empty, but just as she was hanging up her coat she saw that the door to the back garden was open. Which was odd, she was sure it had been locked when she left for work that morning. 

Lily had her hand on the door when she realised that Sirius was in the garden, helping Remus plant out the herbs he grew to sell to the St Mungo’s apothecary. They were far too wrapped up in their work to notice Lily – actually, scratch that, they were far too wrapped up in each other to notice anything. Uncertain whether she should make her presence known, Lily took a step back as Remus nudged Sirius’ shoulder in some private joke. When Sirius turned to face him his face with light up with so much love and happiness it made Lily catch her breath, despite her discomfort at witnessing such a private moment.

Sirius’ voice was low as he leant towards Remus, hands settled on Remus’ hips and head dipped to Remus’ ear as he whispered, ‘I think we should head indoors before you provoke me into public indecency.’

 _I think I should head the fuck out before I turn into some sort of peeking pervert_ , thought Lily, hastily grabbing her coat as she prepared to make a run for it. Fate, however, was not on her side; turning around, Lily saw that Harry was wriggling fitfully as he woke, his beloved toy having fallen to the ground.

‘Pafloof!’ yelled Harry, just as Lily grabbed the toy and handed it to him. ‘Pafloof,’ he repeated, more happily this time, ‘and Padfoot!’

‘Hey, kiddo,’ said Sirius, strolling forwards. ‘How was nursery?’

‘Mummy said we’d go to the park,’ said Harry sulkily.

‘He fell asleep on the way home,’ said Lily, not quite looking Sirius in the eye. ‘We just got through the door.’

She wondered if she looked guilty or furtive, but then she spotted Remus loitering by the back door and was grateful to him for looking more guilty and furtive than she possibly could.

‘Why don’t the two of you take Harry to the park while I sort out tea?’ said Lily. ‘Remus, you’ll stay to eat, won’t you?’

It probably wasn’t much consolation for torpedoing his sex life, but Lily wanted Remus to know that he was welcome in all their lives, that past upsets and tribulations were all water under the bridge.

Besides, she could do with some time alone. The moment the door clicked shut she pulled her copy of the Prophet out of her handbag, and turned straight to the classified section.

#

It only took a fortnight for Lily to sort everything out, and then another week until she got around to telling Sirius. It was for his good as much as anything, but she still worried about how he might react. She finally got her inroad when Sirius told her a silly story about Remus’ overbearing aunt, who has just moved into to the family home Remus shared with his parents.

‘Maybe you should ask him to move in here,’ she said. ‘You‘d like that, wouldn’t you?’

‘And what, sleep in the bath?’ asked Sirius. ‘I don’t think Auntie Violet is that much of a terror, Lil.’

Right, so, this was her moment. Lily took a deep breath. ‘I meant after Harry and I move out.’

Sirius just looked at her like she was talking nonsense. ‘You’re not moving out. You live here.’

‘Actually…’ Lily retrieved the letting agency brochure she’d hidden behind the bread bin. She handed the details of the nice little semi just ten minutes walk away to Sirius. ‘I think it’s time.’

Sirius just stared down at the paper like he couldn’t quite take it in. 

‘It’s been so good of you to put up with us for so long, but Harry’s getting older, he needs his own room, and I’m sure you’d like your bed back,’ said Lily.

‘I don’t want you to go,’ said Sirius.

Really, what was she supposed to say to that? Tough luck, because we’re going anyway?

‘Two adults and a child in a one bed flat isn’t the best arrangement,’ said Lily. ‘It was only supposed to be temporary.’

‘Well, it looks like you’ve made your mind up,’ said Sirius. He sounded cold, a little bit superior. Lily knew it was because he was hurt, and hated that it was her fault. ‘Anyway, best be getting on, I need to be at St Mungo’s by seven. I’ll leave you to your packing.’

‘Padfoot, wait –’ Lily started, but it was too late. Sirius had already turned and Disapparated. It was only half past five.

#

‘He’ll get over it,’ said Marlene, in between helping Lily put up curtains in her new house. ‘He’s probably just sulking because he didn’t think of it.’

‘Maybe,’ said Lily. She and Sirius hadn’t fought, but he’d been moody and distant since she’d announced her plan to move out. It was some consolation that he was at least making the effort not to take it out on Harry, and was even taking him out to spent the day at a dragon reserve while Lily took care of moving.

‘He’s being ridiculous, and deep down he probably knows it,’ said Marlene. ‘This house is gorgeous, you and Harry are going to love living here.’

Lily glanced around her new lounge with pride. It was spacious and airy, and she was excited about decorating it just how she liked. The kitchen and the garden were generous as well, and she was thrilled at the prospect of having a bedroom to herself.

‘It’s lovely, isn’t it?’ she said. ‘And I’m sure you’re right about Sirius.’

‘Of course I’m right,’ said Marlene firmly. ‘Once he’s worked out he can shag his boyfriend over the kitchen table whenever he likes without you popping up to give them marks out of ten he’ll soon change his tune.’

‘I can’t tell you anything,’ said Lily, but she was laughing. In spite of her concerns about Sirius she felt optimistic about the future. Hopeful. It was something she hadn’t felt in a long time, and she’d missed it.

It was a good feeling.

#

When Sirius returned with Harry, Lily was ready for the possibility of a show-down, but the two of them disappeared upstairs without a word, and she decided to leave them to it. Even with magic – and Lily had never appreciated it more – unpacking and getting everything straight downstairs had been hard work.

‘Mummy-Mummy-Mummy!’ Harry yelled, after a prolonged period of bumping and clattering upstairs that Lily had steadfastly refused to investigate. ‘Come and see!’

She found Harry standing in the middle of his new bedroom, looking extraordinarily pleased with himself. Everything was unpacked and ready: Harry’s ‘big boy’ bed had been assembled and dressed with a Gryffindor-red quilt, with a little gold dog bed for Pafloof at the foot. Harry’s toy broom hovered in one corner, and another held the wardrobe, with all Harry’s clothes hanging (mostly) neatly inside. On top of the dresser were several photographs in frames, including one of Harry with a Welsh Green, presumably taken at the dragon sanctuary earlier that day. Pride of place went to a photo of James holding Harry minutes after he was born; Harry was all red and wrinkled, but James was beaming as he showed his son off to the camera.

A lump came to Lily’s throat. ‘It’s wonderful,’ she said. ‘Did you do all this yourself?’

‘Padfoot helped,’ admitted Harry generously. Sirius stood behind him, looking unusually sheepish.

‘That was nice of him. I expect Padfoot could do with a cup of tea and a sit down after that. Why don’t you draw him a picture to say thank you?’

‘Yes!’ said Harry, driving into his toy box in search of crayons. ‘I’m gonna draw you a really fierce dragon, Padfoot!’

He barely seemed to notice Sirius and Lily leaving, happily intent on destroying his brand new room.

‘It’s a really nice house,’ said Sirius as he watched Lily fill the kettle. ‘Harry’s going to love it here.’

Lily said nothing, just waited. He’d get there, given time.

‘I feel like I owe you an apology,’ Sirius continued. ‘It wasn’t fair for me to be so stroppy about you moving out. Of course you’d rather live in a nice place like this than cooped up in my flat.’

‘We aren’t leaving you, you know.’ Lily set the kettle to boil with a flick of her wand and turned to face Sirius. ‘And it was never meant to be forever.’

Sirius fidgeted. ‘I know, it’s just… it feels like it’s all permanent now, you know? We’ve both got new jobs, Harry’s growing up, you’ve got this place. We’ve all got whole new lives. Without James.’

He looked forlorn, and somehow small, even though he towered over Lily. This, as much as his attempt to make amends with Harry’s room, evaporated her annoyance.

‘We do,’ she said kindly. ‘And that’s OK. It’s how it should be.’

‘You’re right, and I know it’s what he’d want for us,’ said Sirius. ‘It’s just… this is so stupid, but I want to go and tell him? About how you’ve got this house and your job at the Prophet, how well Harry’s doing. Let him tell me I’m an idiot for doubting you.’

‘Well, he’d be right about that,’ said Lily with a soft laugh. She wasn’t sure whether Sirius realised it himself or not, but she thought he probably was looking for reassurance that James would approve of how he was living his life too. She was tempted to offer it, but that wouldn’t really help. This was about moving forward, not living in the past.

‘I don’t think you’re an idiot,’ she said. ‘I’m proud of you. You’re a good friend and an amazing godfather. You’re going to be a terrific Healer too.’

Sirius smiled, apparently mollified. ‘So you’re not leaving me?’

‘Idiot.’ Lily aimed a playful slap at his arm. ‘You’re family, my door will always be open to you. And if you pine for us too much you can always have the spare room. Although I think you’d be better off with Remus.’

‘Yeah, I’m gonna ask him,’ said Sirius.

‘Good,’ said Lily. ‘I’m glad the two of you are working things out. I want you to have the chance to be happy and in love, especially now I don’t have to watch the pair of you making googly eyes at each other.’

‘And what about you,’ asked Sirius. ‘Got your eye on anyone?’

Lily shook her head. She wasn’t looking for a relationship, not just yet, although the idea didn’t feel like a betrayal anymore.

‘Not right now,’ she said. ‘When have I got time for romance, managing a full time job, a pre-schooler, and a needy surrogate brother?

Sirius laughed and pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her hair. ‘Love you too.’

Lily smiled as Sirius held her close. She was going to be alright.

 


	10. The Wheel of Fortune

**The Wheel of Fortune**

**__** _Good luck, karma, life cycles, destiny, a turning point_

 

Life as a single mother and full-time journalist was always busy, but even her busiest schedule had to be cleared for important events. Curry Tuesdays with the girls were sacred, even if Lily was still working when Mary and Marlene joined her at their usual table in Oh My Dhaling.

‘Put it away,’ Marlene admonished briskly, even though Lily was already shoving piles of parchment into her handbag.

‘Unless you’ve got some really juicy gossip,’ said Mary. ‘In which case you should sound it out with some old friends before it goes to print.’

Lily zipped up her bag and looked up. ‘Chance would be a fine thing,’ she said. ‘Rita keeps palming all the most tedious shit off onto me. Sometimes I struggle to keep awake writing it, Merlin help the poor buggers trying to read it. I don’t suppose anything interesting has been happening at Gringott’s?’

‘You are terrible.’ Marlene smiled. ‘Trying to wheedle a story out of me. Worse, not even bothering to make a decent effort of it – you could at least get me pissed first.’

As if by cue the waiter arrived with the bottle of wine Lily had ordered in readiness. Once he’d poured them all a glass and handed out menus, it was Mary’s turn to tell them all about the sweet but rather shy young man who kept coming into her office with increasingly ridiculous questions about the Loch Ness Monster and what did Muggles really think about platypuses.

‘Just ask him out yourself and put the poor lad out of his misery,’ said Marlene 

‘I probably will eventually,’ said Mary. ‘But I kind of enjoy seeing him get all flustered. It’s adorable.’

‘You’re a cruel woman,’ Lily told her. She raised her glass up in a toast. ‘I like it.’

They spent a pleasant evening eating and chatting. Marlene over-ordered, as usual, and Mary need half a plate of rice to get down a teaspoon of chicken pasanda, and they both teased Lily for calling it a day at half past seven.

‘I know, I’m boring, but I’m knackered and I’ve got to get up early for work,’ she said as she sorted through her take-away order of samosas and aloo gobi. That was tomorrow’s tea sorted, anyway.

‘You’re finally being sent abroad to review exotic beach hotels?’ asked Mary.

‘I wish. I’m going to Hogwarts to interview one of the teachers. The Divination teacher, would you believe.’ Lily rolled her eyes. The teacher was new, but no doubt the subject was as daft as ever.

‘Poor Lils,’ said Marlene. ‘See if you can’t break into McGonagall’s secret Firewhisky stash while you’re up there. That’ll cheer you up.’

‘Or you could swing by the Three Broomsticks and pay Rosmerta a visit.’

Marlene was too busy emptying a large glass of wine to say anything, but she made an approving gesture.

‘Thanks for the inspiration,’ said Lily. ‘If I want to find a way to lose my job I’ll be sure to try stealing alcohol and sloping off work for a quickie.’

‘At least you’d go out with a bang!’ Marlene called after her.

Lily was already at the door, but she turned and waved at her friends before walking home, swinging her take away bag and smiling to herself as she went.

#

It was, without a doubt, the worst assignment of Lily’s professional life.

A trip to Hogwarts to interview a teacher had sounded like a pleasant, if unexciting task. She’d hoped to find time to say hello to Professor McGonagall and some of her other favourite teachers, although she’d steer clear of the staff room to avoid any uncomfortable run-ins with Severus. Since it was a nice day, she’d also hoped to make time for a stroll by the lake, see what the squid was up to these days.

Sadly, Lily hadn’t reckoned on Sybill Trelawny. The new Divination Professor was even weirder than her former teacher, Professor Dammerall, had been, and she didn’t even have the saving grace of his sense of humour. 

Professor Trelawny looked like a nervous dragonfly, stick-thin with oversized glasses, with the gauze of her shawls glinting in the light as she moved. She spoke in a distant, ethereal tone that set Lily’s teeth on edge, and wore so much jewellery it was a wonder she hadn’t sprained her wrists. All of which could be written of as affected, but essentially harmless quirks. What really ground on Lily’s last nerve was that she talked a load of rubbish, but took herself completely seriously.

‘The Sight, it is a burden as much as a gift,’ she said, adding a deep sigh for dramatic effect. ‘I do hope, my dear, that you haven’t come to demand answers to mundane questions, as so many of your profession have tried. The Inner Eye cares only for the truth, not for petty matters of sporting triumph.’

Lily did her best to nod in a sympathetic fashion. She was well aware that Herman Banks, who edited the Sports Section, had once tried to get Trelawny to tell him who would win the Quidditch Cup that year. Trelawny had taken great offence at the suggestion she use her “gift” for practical matters.

‘Of course not,’ said Lily. ‘I come regarding a far more significant matter. I understand you have made a prophecy?’

It was hard to keep calm and pleasant, knowing that the woman before her was responsible for the prophecy that had set Voldemort after her son. That was, in part, the reason why James died. But Lily smiled and nodded, and resolved to show no trace of her true feelings.

Trelawny fanned herself, and finally Lily detected some genuine emotion in her. The woman was rattled, but why? Possibly this so-called prophecy wasn’t in line with her usual fraud. ‘When the Sight takes over I become but a vessel for the Word,’ she said.

‘That must be a disturbing experience,’ said Lily.

‘Indeed!’ Trelawny cried out, then leant across, clasping Lily’s forearm with her bony hand. ‘Oh, my dear girl, you _are_ sympathetic! Tell me, now, have you opened your Inner Eye?’

‘I’m sure my Divination skills are a poor do compare to yours,’ Lily demurred. ‘The gift of prophecy is rare indeed. Could you tell me what you foresaw?’

The question seemed to cause Trelawny some consternation, and she spend several moments looking like she was wrestling with her conscience. Which was odd, because Lily was sure she was the sort of charlatan who didn’t have a conscience. Eventually she stood and walked away without a word, and Lily was just starting to wonder if she’d walked out on the interview when she returned carrying a small portrait.

‘The burden of the Sight can be overwhelming,’ said Trelawny, looking distant and vague. ‘My friend here will tell you the rest.’

She held the portrait up for Lily to see. It was a picture of a pretty young women, with long hair falling in curls and a dreamy smile on her face. ‘Hello,’ she said, waving at Lily. ‘My name is Elsie. I’m glad you’ve come to talk to me, Sybil doesn’t let me out very often.’

‘I’m pleased to meet you, I’m Lily. Did you hear the prophecy made by Professor Trelawny?’

Elsie rolled her eyes and yawned theatrically. ‘Yes, I heard it,’ she said. ‘She went all weird and started yelling. It was scary.’

‘What did she say?’

‘The wayward son will find his way home, saved when his mother’s broken heart beats no more. The convict will escape wearing another face. The mother crosses the sea and the fallen servant shall be set free,’ Elsie recited in a monotone.

‘Right,’ said Lily distractly, her quill scratching across parchment as she hurried to write it all down. ‘Well, thank you, Elsie. You did very well to remember all that.’

‘She keeps making me say it,’ said Elsie. ‘Doesn’t want anyone to know she has no idea what it means.’

Trelawny, who had managed to hold her tongue briefly, sprang back to life, bangles clattering as she waved her arms. ‘Now that’s quite enough of that,’ she chided gently. ‘Paint is the enemy of the ethereal. So flat, so mundane. A shame for you, poor child, to have the limits of your mind constrain you as surely as the frame that holds you.’

Lily didn’t get much that seemed useful after that. But one thing did seem obvious: the prophecy Trelawny had made was genuine – as genuine as any prophecy could be – and Lily would have to swallow her dislike of the subject to investigate it.

She didn’t like it one bit.

#

Lily was feeling tired and irritable by the time she arrived at Sirius’ to pick up Harry after work. As she’d feared, her editor wanted her to look into the prophecy story, and Rita had been no help whatsoever.

‘Harry’s taking a nap, apparently they went trampolining at nursery and he got a bit excited. How he got away without doing accidental magic I’ll never know.’ Sirius greeted her at the door, still wearing his St Mungo’s uniform, with a smear of something Lily very much hoped was chocolate down his sleeve. ‘Seems like you could do with one yourself, you look done in.’

‘Thanks, you’re looking a bit haggard yourself,’ said Lily, walking in and plopping herself down on the sofa.

‘I’ll put the kettle on, shall I?’ said Sirius.

A cup of tea and a few of Sirius’ fancy biscuits later, Lily was feeling a bit more like herself. She didn’t feel much like telling him about the story she was working on – it was a bit too raw, just yet – so she pressed Sirius for all the hospital gossip.

‘I’ve spent most of the week on Spell Damage,’ said Sirius. ‘You would not believe the number of ill-judged Engorgement Charms I’ve had a deal with. Oh, and you should’ve seen me trying to get Oleander Brasenose – you remember him, was in our year, Hufflepuff – to sign the consent form so that I could reverse the Memory Charm he’d inflicted on himself.’

‘Don’t tell me, he couldn’t sign because he’d forgotten his name?’

Sirius laughed. ‘You got it. In the end I just asked him to sign however he liked and we’d sort it out later.’

‘So what did he sign?’ asked Lily.

‘Bit hard to read, actually, but I reckon it said “Bert”. He drew a picture of an apple next to it as well, Merlin knows why.’

Lily’s laughter was interrupted by the sound of Harry jumping about in the bedroom, signalling that it was time she took him home for tea.

‘You alright?’ asked Sirius, once Lily had bundled up Harry, his book bag, his lunch bag, Pafloof, and the drawing of a dragon he’d done at nursery.

‘I’m fine,’ Lily told him. ‘Just a bit tired. Thanks for the tea and biscuits.’

‘Anytime,’ said Sirius. ‘Sorry about the shop bought biscuits, my favourite patient hasn’t been in for a while.’

It had been no surprise at all that Sirius had been such a hit with elderly witches, who thought he was a perfectly charming young man who, apparently wanting for a wife, needed to be kept in home baked cakes and biscuits at all times. Lily liked to tease Remus about the chance of his boyfriend being stolen by an octogenarian, but he insisted as long as they left a tin of shortbread he’d consider it fair exchange.

‘Oh, you mean Mrs Crouch?’ said Lily. According to Sirius she was the sweetest thing alive, which only made it more of a mystery why she’d ever married that arrogant jobsworth Bartemius Crouch.

‘Hm, and she’s been really poorly,’ said Sirius. ‘Missed a few appointments lately. I might have to get permission for a home visit if I don’t hear from her soon.’

Harry was getting restless. ‘Mummy, I’m hungry,’ he complained.

‘OK, OK, let’s go,’ said Lily. ‘Give Padfoot a hug and then fasten up your jacket. I don’t want you catching cold.’

‘How fast do you go have to run to catch cold?’ asked Harry, when they finally made it out the door.

Lily squeezed her son’s hand and smiled. ‘Not very fast, you just have to be going in the right direction.’

Harry kept up a stream of daft questions all the way home, but Lily didn’t mind. Her son’s joyful chatter was the antidote to all her worries, and she loved him for it.

#

Several days of research later, when she’d read some of the daftest books and interviewed at least half a dozen oddballs, Lily was ready to accept the inevitable.

There was only one person who shared Lily’s experience of having her life turned upside down by a prophecy. Someone who, being an Auror, would know more than most about convicts and Dark Wizards. Who Lily had kissed the last time they met, a moment that she hadn’t spoken about, but couldn’t forget.

It was time for her to stop being such a wuss, and go and talk to Alice.

 


	11. The Chariot

**The Chariot**

**__** _Control, willpower, success, action, determination_

 

Visiting Alice at work was supposed to make things easier. A little more professional, a little less _how about that snog last time, huh?_ All it really did, though, was make Lily feel more uncomfortable, gripping her press pass for dear life as she picked her way through the desks in the Auror’s Office. Alice smiled like she was genuinely pleased to see her, but didn’t seem like she was going to be a great deal of help, at least not on a professional basis.

‘I understand your interest, but it isn’t MLE policy to open an investigation without at least some evidence,’ she explained. ‘Something to show that a crime has been committed.’

Alice’s tone was gentle, but firm. Lily wasn’t about to give up too easily, though.

‘Of course, I understand,’ she said. ‘However, if you have information to suggest a crime is about to be committed, wouldn’t that be of interest?’

‘Possibly,’ said Alice. ‘It depends on how specific the information is – what you’ve told me is pretty vague – and how reliable the source is. Are you going to tell me who made this prophecy, or is it true what they say about journalists never revealing their sources?’

‘Sybil Trelawny.’

Alice paled, and she shrank back into her chair a little. The name seemed to have more of an effect on Alice than Lily had anticipated. Of course it brought back terrible memories, but would Alice really think that the old fraud might have got it right again? Still, Alice _was_ a pure-blood, and Lily knew enough of those to know that even the ones who didn’t accept Divination wholeheartedly tended to believe in things like Seers and visions. Magic made people so illogical.

‘I know it’s a bit of a shock,’ said Lily. ‘You understand why I asked you?’

‘Meet me at Tabitha’s,’ said Alice, referring to the little coffee shop a short walk from the Ministry Headquarters. ‘If you’re free. For lunch. My treat.’

The journalist in Lily hoped Alice might have more to say away from the watchful eyes and listening ears of her co-workers, but some silly little part of her didn’t feel like a journalist first and foremost. She felt more like a woman who had just accepted a lunch date.

#

The limited floor space in Tabitha’s was crowded with rather dated looking pine tables covered with red-and-white checked tablecloths. At least half of them had a wonky leg, and the menus were curling at the edges. Despite the shabby appearance Tabitha’s did a roaring trade, because the service was quick and the coffee, sandwiches, and cakes were excellent.

Lily arrived early to beat the lunchtime rush, and bagsied a corner table. She sipped a milky coffee while she read through her notes, reading the words of the prophecy over and over.

_‘The wayward son will find his way home, saved when his mother’s broken heart beats no more. The convict will escape wearing another face. The mother crosses the sea and the fallen servant shall be set free.’_

She sighed and rubbed her eyes. She’d read it so often the words seemed to have lost all meaning. Still, it was likely to be more productive than thinking about seeing Alice again, the warmth of her smile or the distant memory of her kiss…

‘Sorry to keep you,’ said Alice, smoothing back her hair as she plonked herself down into a seat opposite Lily. ‘I was waiting on a reply to my owl.’

‘Anything interesting?’ asked Lily.

Alice hesitated. ‘Why don’t we get something to eat first?’

She fetched another coffee and a tuna melt for Lily, along with a cup of tea and chicken salad sandwich for herself. Lily noticed that she seemed agitated, a far cry from her friendly demeanour earlier that day. What _had_ that owl been about?

‘I requested a report from Azkaban,’ said Alice. ‘You’d hope that the Auror’s Office would be alerted the moment anything untoward happens, but you can never be too sure about these things.’

‘Has there been any news of an escape?’

‘No.’ Alice put down her sandwich and sighed. ‘No escapes. A death, though.’

‘Who?’

The question seemed difficult for Alice to answer. ‘Barty Crouch. Junior, the son. The one who…’

‘… the one who killed Frank,’ Lily finished softly.

‘I think that was Bellatrix, but yeah, he was one of them,’ said Alice.

Lily reached across the table and took Alice’s hand. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to open old wounds.’

‘It’s not just that,’ said Alice. ‘What if he is the one the prophecy is about? Maybe he isn’t dead. Maybe he faked his own death to escape.’

The possibility was a terrifying one. If the younger Crouch were on the loose, he might be looking for revenge, or to finish the task he’d been caught attempting. What if he came after Neville again? What if he came for Harry?

‘We need to find out more,’ said Alice. She sounded determined, her old matter-of-fact manner returning. ‘We need to know what’s going on with his mother. Last I heard Mrs Crouch was a shadow of her former self, the grief of her son’s conviction and imprisonment nearly destroyed her. Barty was able to wangle a visit for them, Dawlish escorted them in and he reckoned she practically had to be carried out.’

‘Sirius has been treating her,’ said Lily. ‘At St Mungo’s. She brings him biscuits. Only… he said she’s not been in for a while.’

‘Right, well, we best be eating up,’ said Alice. ‘We’ll go and talk to Sirius after lunch.’

#

The Welcome Witch at St Mungo’s initially tried to put them off when Alice and Lily admitted neither of them were actually sick, but a few stern words from Alice soon changed her mind. Lily was impressed; Alice wasn’t rude or abrasive, but despite her gentle nature she radiated authority. She smiled and thanked the Welcome Witch before heading towards the stairs to the first floor, where they expected to find Sirius treating Creature Related Injuries.

‘Sorry about the smell, I’ve been dishing out ointment for burns all morning. Works a treat but it’s a bit whiffy,’ said Sirius cheerfully. ‘That old scrote Fletcher’s been selling hooky Fire Crabs and given how bright anyone who buys from him is likely to be, it’s no surprise most of them have burnt their eyebrows off.’

‘Nice to see you too, Padfoot,’ said Lily. ‘Can we go somewhere quiet?’

‘It’s about Mrs Crouch,’ she continued once they’d ensconced themselves in a nearby supplies cabinet. It was all a bit close for comfort, and Lily found herself excessively aware of the warmth from Alice’s arm pressed against her. ‘You said she’d not been in for a while. Have you seen her since?’

Sirius shook his head. ‘No, and it’s a bit of a worry,’ he said. ‘She’s been in a rough way for a while – ever since that boy of hers caused all that trouble – but she’s one of those strange old birds who seems to quite like a trip to hospital.’

‘Does she have the Visiting Mediwitches to call?’ asked Alice. ‘Come to that, has anyone seen her?’

‘She should, but I know Gladys said they were turned away last week,’ said Sirius. ‘I can ask around, find out when she was last seen if you like.’

Alice nodded. ‘Good,’ she said. ‘And mind you tell me or Lily directly. The whole hospital doesn’t need to know.’

‘She’s not a suspect, is she?’ asked Sirius, apparently amused by the prospect.

‘You haven’t told him,’ said Alice, glancing between Lily and Sirius. That part wasn’t the question. ‘Why?’

‘It just all seemed a bit ridiculous,’ said Lily.

Sirius, of course, was like a dog after a rabbit. ‘What seemed a bit ridiculous?’ he demanded. ‘What haven’t you told me?’

‘Anyone would think you were the Auror,’ said Alice.

‘Too much taking orders and not enough getting to show off how clever I am.’ Sirius shrugged before turning back to Lily. ‘What haven’t you told me?’

Reluctantly, Lily went through the whole business with Trelawny and her new prophecy, letting Alice fill in the parts she’d found out. The light in the supplies cupboard wasn’t the best – what were they doing hiding in a cupboard, it was like being back in school – but she could see Sirius’ face well enough to know he wasn’t happy.

‘You should have told me,’ he all but growled. ‘Harry could be in danger.’

Lily didn’t have the time or the inclination for a row with Sirius, but luckily Alice stepped in to diffuse the situation.

‘He’s unlikely to be in any real danger, but it’s better safe than sorry. It’s great the way you look out for him,’ she said. ‘Do you think you could persuade your boss you need to go out on home visits? We could do with your help.’

Sirius agreed readily, and they made plans to meet again soon near the Crouch family home. He left quickly, taking a roll of bandages with him to explain his presence in the cupboard. Once she and Alice were alone, it occurred to Lily that they were the ones who technically weren’t supposed to be hanging around cupboards in St Mungo’s. For some reason, the cupboard seemed smaller when it was just the two of them.

‘Why are we still waiting in this cupboard?’ asked Alice, making Lily wonder how much time had passed. The cupboard was warm and it was affecting her head.

‘We don’t want to get caught walking out,’ she said.

‘We could Apparate.’

Oh, yeah, they could. They were magic, after all.

‘You haven’t Apparated either!’ said Lily, louder than she’d intended.

‘I need to pop back to the Ministry. I’ll meet you in the Atrium.’ Alice turned and disappeared with a crack, leaving Lily alone and feeling rather foolish.

That barmy old fraud Trelawny may well have been on the money. A Death Eater might have escaped from Azkaban. He might be coming after Harry. And Lily couldn’t even concentrate because she was rekindling a crush on her friend who, one-off snog notwithstanding, she was pretty sure was straight.

Her day really couldn’t get any better.

#

The Crouch family lived in a village near the coast in Essex. It was a quiet place, and the family home stood a little outside the main cluster of houses, in what had probably once been part of a farm. Alice and Lily were forced to hide behind a large oak tree to keep an eye on Sirius as he approached the house, ostensibly to check on Mrs Crouch. These enquiries at the hospital had revealed that the Visiting Mediwitches had been refused entry several times, and she’d missed several hospital appointments, so it was a plausible excuse.

‘I feel like I owe you an apology,’ said Alice, out of the blue. She seemed awkward, like she had been thinking about it for a while.

‘What for?’ asked Lily.

‘The last time we were together. After the trial. I, um, kissed you.’

‘You shouldn’t apologise for that.’ Lily turned to Alice and grinned. ‘I liked the kissing. I was a bit less keen on the way you disappeared and shut the door behind you immediately after.’

Alice flushed. It made her look prettier than ever. ‘I’m sorry about that too. I just got a bit overwhelmed. I panicked. But that’s no excuse for not talking to you for so long.’

‘I understand. You had a lot on your mind. The trial, and it wasn’t long after we lost Frank. No-one would expect you to be at your best.’

‘Well, that’s all true, but there’s more than that.’ Alice fidgeted, glancing nervously between the Crouch house – where Sirius appeared to have finally talked his way in after some time on the doorstep – and Lily. ‘I’ve never… another girl, you know.’

‘You hadn’t kissed a girl before?’ said Lily. She smiled, not wanting to hurt Alice’s feelings, but her heart sank. Seeing Alice again had confirmed that she did still like her, and she really didn’t want to have to be the one comforting her that it’s OK to experiment, and of course it doesn’t have to mean anything.

Alice seemed to sense Lily turning away from her, and reached out for Lily’s hand, pulling slightly so they were facing each other instead of staring at the house. ‘I’ve never felt for another woman what I feel about you.’

‘Oh.’ Lily’s mind went into overdrive. ‘Oh.’

‘Yeah.’ Alice smiled and ducked her head. It was so sweet that Lily wanted to kiss her again right there on the spot, reconnaissance job be damned.

‘In that case,’ she said instead, ‘maybe when we’re done with this we should go for dinner. See where things take us.’

Smiling, Alice nodded. ‘I’d like that.’

They might have stayed like that for hours, smiling soppily at each other, but for Sirius’ return.

‘Good job I’m not being viciously murdered,’ he said, ‘for all the use you two would be, standing around chatting when you’re supposed to be keeping watch.’

‘We’d have come running as soon as you started screaming,’ Lily assured him. ‘What did you find out about Mrs Crouch?’

‘Her old man reckons she’s dead,’ said Sirius.

Alice had taken a step back from Lily and seemed to be mentally putting herself back in Auror mode. She frowned. ‘So I take it you didn’t see the body.’

‘Nope. Closed casket. You were right, it’s all very suspicious.’

‘I need to get in and have a look around,’ said Alice. ‘And I need to do it without Barty knowing about it. He’s not daft, and we’ll only catch him out if we’re sneaky. You think you can come up with a distraction, get him away from the house for an hour?’

Sirius nodded. ‘Of course! Sneaky is my middle name.’

Lily raised an eyebrow. ‘I thought your middle name was Uranus.’

‘Nah, that’s just a hobby,’ said Sirius. ‘Actually, it’s more like Moony’s – ’

‘– you can go now,’ Lily interrupted. ‘Just let us know when the coast is clear.’

Sirius grinned and Disapparated, leaving Lily alone with Alice again. She still felt like kissing her, but Alice was definitely in full Auror mode. Somehow that made her even more attractive.

‘It all fits, doesn’t it?’ she said. ‘The prophecy said _saved when his mother’s broken heart beats no more_. She must have taken his place in Azkaban. Barty wouldn’t have any trouble getting hold of some Polyjuice, or even brewing it himself.’

‘You think he’d do it?’ asked Lily. ‘At the trial it seemed like he hated the boy. Was that all just an act?’

Alice looked thoughtful. ‘I don’t think so,’ she said. ‘I reckon it was her, the mother. She sacrificed herself to save her son.’

It made a certain amount of sense. Mrs Crouch had clearly been distraught at her son’s imprisonment, and it seemed that she was already very sick herself. Lily knew well that a loving parent might sacrifice everything, even their own life, for their child. It was hard to see Mrs Crouch’s sacrifice as being like the one James had made back in Godric’s Hollow. She wasn’t saving her son from danger, but from the consequences of his own actions, and in doing so had let a Death Eater loose.

 _If_ their suspicions were right. They needed to get into the house first. Right on cue, a flash of silver darted through the trees, taking the shape of a large dog, which spoke with Sirius’ voice: _All clear. Be quick._

Alice turned to Lily and nodded, before setting off down the side of the hill. It was only a short walk to the house; Alice went ahead to check for Protective Charms and magical traps. It reminded Lily of her work with the Order, and she felt that same frisson of excitement fuelled by anxiety. She’d never admit it, but there was a part of her that enjoyed it.

They went past the front door, round to the back of the house. Peeping through the windows, everything seemed normal at first; the single-storey house was neat and tidy, with décor that was a bit dated but kept in good condition.

‘That’s not real,’ said Alice, indicating the bedroom window – or at least, what seemed to be the bedroom window – with the tip of her wand.

Lily squinted, looking for traces of magic. ‘Is it a charm?’ she asked.

‘Yes, and it’s well done.’ Alice looked grim. ‘Crouch is definitely hiding something.’

The back door was only a few steps away, at the end of a gravel path which crunched as they walked over it. Alice went ahead, moving slowly with her wand out in front. She spent several moments checking the door, and had to cast a number of unlocking charms to open it.

‘Move slowly and keep your eyes open,’ whispered Alice. ‘Check everything for signs of magic.’

Lily pointed ahead of them. ‘Like that?’

A house-elf had materialised in the kitchen, wrapped toga-style in a tea towel.

‘Hello, elf,’ said Alice. She spoke cheerfully, as though they hadn’t just been caught breaking and entering into the house of the former head of the Department for Magical Law Enforcement. ‘Where is your master?’

‘Winky is not saying,’ said the elf. Her wide, brown eyes flitted nervously between Lily and Alice. ‘Master is not wanting visitors, prying about the house making nuisances.’

‘We’re not nuisances; we’re old friends of Mr Crouch’s.’ Alice lied easily, a side to her Lily hadn’t seen before. She looked back at Lily, tilting her head as she did so. ‘Isn’t that right?’

‘Oh, of course,’ said Lily, trying to keep up. She didn’t much like having the lie to the house-elf, knowing that the poor creature would likely be punished for believing them, but would also have been punished for being rude to genuine visitors. The whole set-up with elves made her distinctly uncomfortable. Alice was still shooting her looks, and Lily realised that she ought to be searching the house while Alice kept the elf talking.

‘I’m afraid we’re a little early,’ said Alice. ‘Might we sit down for a few moments, I’m sure Mr Crouch will be back soon.’

Winky shot her and Lily both looks of deepest suspicion, but was unlikely to refuse a direct request from any witch, far less one claiming friendship with her master. After a moment’s thought she nodded and gestured for them to follow her.

‘If you be following me please, misses,’ she said. 

‘Actually, do you mind if I use the bathroom?’ said Lily. ‘Won’t be a mo.’

She shot off before the elf had a chance to argue, hoping it would seem bad manners to chase after a guest. Since no-one followed her, it seemed her luck was in. There was a bathroom at the end of hall; Lily didn’t particularly expect to find Barty Crouch Jr hiding in a laundry basket, but it was as good a place as any to find out if there was anyone else about.

‘ _Homenum Revelio,_ ’ she muttered, casting her wand in a wide arc to take in as much of the bungalow as possible. Sure enough, the spell found Alice, Lily herself… and someone else. Whoever it was they were at the far end of the house, past the sitting room where Winky had taken Alice.

It had to be him, the young Barty Crouch. Lily took a deep, steadying breath, thinking quickly. She and Alice could leave and come back with reinforcements, but the risk that Mr Crouch would guess what they’d discovered and move his son was too big to take. Sirius probably wouldn’t be able to keep him distracted much longer, so she had to act now. She dashed off a Patronus alert, silver does leaping out of the window to alert Marlene, Mary, Dorcas, and Remus.

For the time being, it was her and Alice against one escaped Death Eater and a house-elf. Lily squared her shoulders and opened the bathroom door. She’d faced worse odds.

When she got to the living room, Alice seemed to be having some difficulty with the house-elf, who was clearly becoming more suspicious with every moment that passed.

‘Winky is not sure you is friends with Mr Crouch,’ she said, glaring at Alice. ‘Begging your pardon miss, but it would be best you wait outside.’

‘I don’t suppose there’s any chance of a cup of tea?’ asked Alice. If she was concerned that Mr Crouch’s elf was on the brink of bringing her master home to catch them red handed she gave no sign of it.

‘No tea!’ said Winky. ‘But there is a tea room in the village, you can be waiting there for Mr Crouch.’

There seemed little chance of shaking the elf, and they were wasting time dealing with her. Feeling a little guilty, Lily realised there was only one thing for it.

‘ _Stupefy!_ ’

The spell hit the back of the house-elf’s head, and she fell to the ground without a sound. Alice blinked, and then looked across at Lily.

‘There’s someone hiding in the bedroom,’ she said, pointing in the general direction with her wand. She looked down at the elf; house-elves had their own magic, so there was never any guarantee how well human spells would work on them. ‘Wasn’t sure a Stunner would work. How long d’you reckon she’ll be out for?’

‘No idea,’ said Alice, already walking towards Lily. ‘Let’s not hang around long enough to find out.’

They found the bedroom easily enough; the door wasn’t locked. It was a modest sized room, a neat little guest room that smelt faintly of moth balls. The only remarkable thing about it was the young man lying on the bed, with dirty hair and ragged breathing. He was smiling softly, a faintly euphoric expression which made him look rather simple.

‘That’s him,’ said Alice. ‘He’s under the Imperius Curse. ‘

Lily looked at the boy – it was hard to see him as a Death Eater. He was slight, far too thin, and his sandy hair was sticking to his head. The blissful expression on his face was at odds with his appearance and circumstances, so that he seemed like he was on drugs. ‘It doesn’t normally make people look like that, does it?’

Alice shrugged. ‘His mind was probably fragile already from Azkaban, and Crouch won’t have bothered telling him to act normal, since being discovered would be trouble enough. At a guess I’d say he just told him to stay here and keep quiet.’

‘What do you want to do with him?’ asked Lily.

Alice looked over at the bed, seemingly deep in thought. She raised her wand and whispered, ‘ _Petrificus Totalus!’_

The body on the best stiffened, but since he was already lying still the Full Body Bind didn’t seem to have much effect. Most likely it was simply a precaution, in case his father had ordered him to attack anyone who approached him.

‘I’ll Apparate him to the holding cells at the Ministry,’ said Alice. ‘You cover me and come straight after, OK?’

Lily nodded. ‘Should I bring the elf? She’ll need to be questioned anyway, and it’ll probably be better for her if she’s not here when Mr Crouch gets back.’

‘It’s a bit late for that,’ came a voice from behind her. It was Barty Crouch himself, standing in the doorway with his wand pointing directly at Alice. He flicked it to cast a spell, but Alice was quicker, and easily deflected it. Crouch was an accomplished wizard, though, and he had so much more to fight for. Soon he and Alice were duelling furiously, wands moving in a blur and bursts of light ricocheting around the room.

With Alice standing between her and Crouch, it was impossible for Lily to hex him without risking her. Instead, she had to follow through on Alice’s plan, and get the son to the Ministry. She took a step towards the boy on the bed, and almost reached him when the force of a powerful Knockback Jinx sent Alice crashing into her. Lily glanced up to see Mr Crouch pointing his wand at her, and didn’t even finish raising a Shield Charm before he called out.

‘ _Obliviate!’_

…

Lily blinked and rubbed her head; it hurt, but she couldn’t think why. Where was she? And where on earth was her wand?

She was on the floor for some reason, next to a bed covered in a very lumpy eiderdown. It reminded her of Harry’s attempts to ‘tidy’ his room by throwing a blanket over the piles of toys. Glancing around, she saw a man at the other end of the room, pointing his wand at someone she couldn’t see.

Carefully, Lily got to her feet, wary that the man in front of her seemed dangerous. Whoever he was trying to curse was clearly putting up a fight.

‘If I was still your boss I’d be very pleased with your ability to resist the Imperius Curse,’ said the man. ‘It’ll be the worse for you if you keep struggling, though. Don’t force me to take drastic measures.’

Drastic measures? What could be more drastic than an Unforgivable Curse? Lily craned her neck so that she could see past him, to find out who it was being threatened.

A woman with messed up hair and a tear in her robes was glaring at her attacker, chin raised in defiance. _Alice!_

Lily shook her head, the memories coming back groggily. Mr Crouch had Alice cornered, might even be about to kill her, and Lily didn’t have her wand to stop him. She let out a roar of pure rage and leapt forwards, launching herself at Crouch’s back. They both crashed to the ground, Lily gripping Crouch’s shoulders for dear life as he kicked and struggled beneath her.

‘ _Accio_ wand!’ called Alice, holding out her hand. ‘ _Accio_ wand!’

Instead of her wand flying, Winky walked into the room. She had both Lily and Alice’s wands in her hands.

‘You is not friends with Mr Crouch!’ she said, sounding very indignant about it. ‘You is _bad_ witches!’

‘Fuck,’ muttered Alice, which seemed to sum up the situation well. Lily was still struggling to contain Mr Crouch, though at least he couldn’t reach his wand either. 

‘Get off me!’ yelled Crouch. ‘I’ll have you in Azkaban for this!’

‘Shut _up!_ ’ yelled Lily, desperately trying to keep hold of him and work out what on earth she was going to do next. Before she could think of anything, Alice swung her foot out, kicking him in the face, hard.

Crouch cried out in pain, and Winky let out a high-pitched scream of horror, dropping the wands as she rushed forward to attend to her master. A violent elbow to her stomach sent Lily rolling off of him, back onto the floor. Alice reached forward to grab her, but before Lily could make it to her feet someone else hit her from behind.

The younger Barty Crouch had awakened from the Full Body Bind, and possibly the Imperius Curse he was already under. He still seemed uncertain, staggering towards the doorway.

‘Run, master Barty!’ called Winky. ‘Run, before the bad people get hold of you!’

Crouch Jr glanced down at his father, still writhing on the ground with blood gushing from his nose. Crouch Sr tried to say something, but it was indecipherable, and his son didn’t stick around to hear it again. He all but jumped over his father’s prone body and ran into the hall.

Alice snatched their wands from where Winky had dropped them, and passed Lily’s back to her, baton-style, and she went after him. 

‘ _Stupefy_ ,’ muttered Lily as she dashed after her.

Crouch Sr and the elf might be a problem, but the Death Eater running away from them was the real danger. They couldn’t let him get away. Lily sprinted down the hall, hot on Alice’s heels, as they ran after Crouch Jr. If he got a chance to Apparate away they might never find him.

Ahead of them, Lily could hear the sound of the front door opening, followed by a series of loud barks. About time Sirius showed himself. Barty turned and ran towards the back of the house with dog, Lily, and Alice all in hot pursuit. He made it as far as the kitchen before coming up short.

‘I don’t think so.’ Marlene, Mary, Dorcas, and Remus formed a semi-circle in front of Crouch Jr, wands raised at the ready. 

‘You can’t do this!’ Barty’s voice was shaky as he glanced around, confused and cornered. ‘I won’t go back, I won’t.’

‘We’ll let the Aurors decide,’ said Marlene. She cocked her head theatrically as a series of loud _cracks_ filled the air. ‘Oh, would you look at that. Here they are.’

Lily caught hold of Alice, panting heavily. It was over.

#

Alice stayed with Lily as the Healers checked her over, holding her hand in a silent show of support. Lily was glad of the company, having sent Sirius away for excessive fussing.

‘No sign of any lasting damage,’ pronounced the Healer at last. ‘Be careful though – Memory Charms can be dangerous. It seems like you managed to cast enough of a Shield to prevent any real problems, but make sure you come back if you have any dizzy spells or any issues with your memory.’

Lily nodded dutifully, and Alice assured the Healer that she would look after her as well. Finally, the Healer left them alone. The door had barely closed behind her when Alice surged forwards and pressed their mouths together in a deep, messy kiss.

‘I thought I was going to lose you,’ Alice admitted breathlessly between kisses. ‘That even if you survived you might forget me.’

‘Never,’ said Lily. She was still sitting on the hospital bed, and she pulled Alice towards her, wrapping her legs around Alice’s waist. She wanted to touch Alice, to feel the warmth of her skin, her heartbeat, her breath. To know that Alice was alive, and she was too.

Alice laughed, a delightful sound, bubbling with excitement. ‘I have no idea what I’m doing,’ she confessed, squirming as Lily kissed her neck.

‘You’re doing great,’ Lily assured her, before pulling Alice into another deep, fast kiss.

‘I’m supposed to take you down to make a statement,’ said Alice, pulling back with some reluctance. ‘At the MLE.’

Lily looked up at her. Alice’s hair was mussed, and her cheeks were quite delightfully pinked. Her lipstick was smudged and she was breathing heavily, causing her breasts to rise and fall ever so enticingly, right in front of Lily’s face. There was no way Lily was going to give this up to sit in the Ministry being interrogated by Aurors.

‘I’m not sure I’m up to that just yet,’ said Lily. ‘In fact, I think I need to lie down.’

‘Oh.’ Alice’s eyes went wide. ‘ _Oh._ ’

Lily grinned. ‘Let’s Apparate. Your place or mine?’

 

 


	12. The World

**The World**

**__** _Completion, integration, accomplishment, travel_

 

Sunlight was gently spilling through the window when Lily awoke. She sighed happily; the bed was warm and soft, and Alice was curled around her, pressing soft kisses to Lily’s neck.

‘Mmm, morning,’ said Lily. She stretched and wriggled closer to Alice, contented as a cat.

‘Good morning.’ Alice punctuated the greeting with a kiss to Lily’s shoulder. ‘Sleep well?’

Lily rolled around to face her. ‘Woke up better.’

‘Good.’ Alice grinned, her eyes sparkling with mischief. Merlin, how Lily loved her. ‘Because it’s gonna be a busy day but the kids won’t be up for a while, so I reckon we’ve got time for a quick session to set ourselves up for the day.’

‘Nothing like a bit of exercise to get you going,’ agreed Lily. ‘Getting a bit cold for a run, though.’

Alice chuckled as she moved forwards, rolling Lily onto her back so she was lying over her. ‘We’ll just have to stay here then.’

Her hands, warm and soft, were just making their way into Lily’s pyjamas when their cosy little cocoon was interrupted by the sound of Harry bawling at the top of his lungs from the other end of the house.

‘MUU-UUMM!’

Lily offered Alice an apologetic smile. ‘Sorry. I suppose it was a bit much thinking they wouldn’t both be up at the crack of dawn.’

‘You can make it up to me,’ said Alice, pressing a quick kiss to Lily’s cheek before getting up. ‘We are going to have so much sex tomorrow.’

The thought of a kid-free house brought Lily up short. She took a deep breath. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘That is something to look forward to.’

#

Downstairs, the kitchen was a scene of predictable chaos. The boys seemed to have started trying to make their own breakfasts, but had mostly succeeded in scattering cereal, fruit, and yogurt all over the place, to the delight of the cat who was happily feasting on yogurt and spilt milk. Harry had his jumper on inside out, and Neville was trying to coax his toad, Trevor, out from behind the bread bin.

‘Mum, Mum, we have to hurry!’ said Harry, looking deeply concerned. ‘We don’t want to miss the train.’

Lily smiled fondly. ‘Indeed. We’ve only got four and a half hours until the Hogwarts Express leaves, and King’s Cross is a good twenty minutes away.’

Harry’s face was a picture of adorably overwrought pre-teen concern. ‘But Mum, it’s our _first day.’_

‘I know, and it’s great that you’re so excited.’ Lily reached out and ruffled Harry’s hair, which did nothing to make it any more untidy. ‘Perhaps you could go and put your jumper on the right away around while we tidy up? Oh, and Neville, don’t worry about Trevor, you just go and find yourself some matching socks.’

Crisis averted, soon the whole family was sitting down to a passable breakfast, everyone wearing matching and properly turned around clothes, and all pets behaving themselves. Harry was full of excitement, asking dozens of questions and pondering what his favourite classes might be. Neville was a bit more subdued – he was a sweet, thoughtful boy, but he sometimes lacked confidence in himself. Alice and Lily were both hoping that might improve once he got to Hogwarts.

‘Do you think we’ll both be in the same House?’ he asked quietly

Harry rolled his eyes. ‘Of course! We’re going to be Gryffindors, aren’t we?’

‘I suppose you’re right,’ said Neville, although he didn’t sound too certain. Lily didn’t say anything – she had no intention of stoking silly House rivalries – but she was absolutely convinced that Neville was a Gryffindor. He might not have realised it himself, but he had a core of steel, just like his mother.

‘You are both going to have a wonderful time,’ Alice said brightly. She reached out and gave Neville’s hand a squeeze. ‘Write to us anytime, and if you need a friendly face at least you know one of the teachers. You can always go to Remus if you have a problem.’

This, surprisingly, was the only thing which penetrated Harry’s general excitement. He scowled and muttered darkly, ‘watch out, he tells Padfoot _everything_.’

Lily wondered what Harry might have done that was so bad he didn’t even want Sirius to know about it, but decided to skip asking in favour of preserving the general good mood.

‘Wait until you see the greenhouses at Hogwarts,’ she told Neville. ‘You and Trevor are going to love them.’

Neville brightened considerably at the thought and happily turned his attention back to his cornflakes. Alice and Lily exchanged nervous smiles across the kitchen table. It was fine. They were all going to be fine.

For all she’d teased Harry about how much time they had before the train left, Lily still found herself rushing King’s Cross on their way to Platform 9¾ . For a moment her nerves about saying goodbye to the boys dissipated, as she got caught up in the excitement of the occasion, the terrific sense of anticipation that seemed to buzz in the air. It was a new start, for her and Alice as well as their children, but it brought with it memories of the past, and of her own journeys to Hogwarts.

‘Isn’t it amazing!’ said Harry, glancing this way and that like he didn’t know what to look at first. Beside him, Neville was quiet, but he was smiling, his eyes wide as galleons.

‘It is,’ agreed Lily. ‘I’m half jealous that I’m not going myself.’

A little sad, too, that James wasn’t there to wave his son off to school. A sideways glance at Alice told her she had mixed feelings too. They wouldn’t let that bring them down, though.

‘Mind out for Trevor!’ called Alice, as Neville swung his trolley around, threatening to send the poor toad flying. Harry leapt forward, catching him quick as a flash. He really did have amazing reflexes.

A whirlwind of luggage-loading, final reminders, and hugs goodbye, and Lily found herself standing on the platform next to Alice, still waving even after the train pulled out of sight.

‘They’ll be OK, won’t they?’ she asked Lily.

‘Course they will,’ said Lily. ‘I’m more worried about _us_.’ She let out a watery little laugh, and accepted a handkerchief from Alice.

The crowd on the platform was already thinning; it was easy to spot the parents who’d been seeing off children for the first time, as they lingered longer and walked away more slowly than the old hands. Lily took Alice’s hand as they turned and started wending their way towards the barrier.

‘It hardly seems any time since we were catching the train,’ said Alice.

‘It can’t be more than a fortnight,’ Lily agreed. ‘You know, you were the first person I spoke to on my first trip to Hogwarts.’

Alice turned to her and grinned. ‘Was I?’ she said. ‘Lucky me.’

‘I’d just been involved in a multiple trolley pile-up,’ said Lily. ‘And your owl was on a crime spree.’

‘Gianduja,’ Alice recalled fondly. ‘She was a rascal, but I loved her.’

The platform was nearly empty by the time they reached the barrier. Lily turned and looked back, surveying the scene thoughtfully. ‘I never would have imagined how everything would turn out back then.’

‘Someone’s always telling me that predicting the future is a mug’s game,’ Alice teased.

‘That someone sounds smart.’

‘She is,’ said Alice. ‘Smart and very sexy.’

Lily laughed, a warm flush coming to her cheeks. Even after all these years Alice could make her feel a bit silly sometimes. ‘Quite right too,’ she said. ‘Who wants to be told their future anyway?’

‘You’d rather build the future than read it.’

Lily turned back to Alice and kissed her. That woman knew her so well.

‘Every time.’

> Image Description: A painting of Lily, Alice, Harry, and Neville on Platform 9 ¾. Alice holds Harry, who is kneeling on a luggage cart that holds his trunk and Hedwig. Lily points something out to Neville, who leans against a luggage cart that holds his trunk, a plant, a toad in a cage, and a cat in a carrier. Art by [Owlpostart](https://owlpostart.tumblr.com/).


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